How many times have you been told to ‘close your eyes and picture a waterfall’, ‘visualize a place that makes you feel happy’, ‘take a deep breath in, and imagine the smell of freshly brewed coffee’? If you’re anything like me, too many times to count.
‘Ha! Not happening,’ is my usual response to these assumptive requests, but in my very frustrated, (and often bordering on angry at how many times people say this) mind, all I can think is, what are these weirdos blabbering about? How do you picture things in your head?
There’s Nothing Wrong With Me—I Have Aphantasia
As a published author with aphantasia of three children’s books, creator of crafts, mother, teacher, and psychotherapist, I have a very good imagination and a decent memory, but I have never been able to picture things ‘visually’ in my head. So, my question has always been, what the heck is wrong with me? I was, at one point so concerned that there was something seriously wrong with my brain, I went and had myself tested for early onset dementia and had my IQ tested.
Turns out nothing is wrong with me. I have aphantasia. With the assistance of a university hospital in Victoria (they checked for dementia and tested my IQ), the Aphantasia Network, and plenty of my own research, I discovered I have congenital multisensory aphantasia. More specifically, I was born with the inability to use visual, olfactory, tactile, gustatory, or motor imagery (Ebeyer, 2025).
Once I commenced my research into aphantasia, questions started to arise for me… many complex questions.
My Journey to Understand Aphantasia
As a published writer, some of the questions that arose for me include:
- How does someone get to be a thrice-published children’s book author without being able to picture things in their mind?
- What strategies do I use in my everyday life to cope?
- Am I limited by my aphantasia?
Although I can’t answer these questions from anyone else’s perspective, I am happy to share what I’ve discovered from my own experience and perspective.
1) How an Author With Aphantasia Imagines, Writes, and Navigates the World of Publishing
Many authors begin a book with an idea or a mental picture of a character and build from there. They can picture in their mind how their character looks, the clothes they wear, and the world they live in. For me, this was not the case and I had no idea why.
The inspiration for my first children’s book came when I was alerted by our dog, Tilly, to a visitor who was making himself comfortable in our yard. There was a fascinating little echidna scratching around in one of the rock gardens. To my surprise, his quills weren’t just one color. They were an assortment of colors including black, grey, brown, tan, and beige.
When I began writing Edward Echidna Learns to Describe (my first children’s book), I started with a question. Of course, the question was a little weird, but it was rooted in my educational background. The question was if this little guy (the echidna) was asked what color his hair (spines) was, how would he describe it? This led to another question…how do we actually describe? Thus, my first children’s book idea was now a planted seed.
But how does this relate to being aphantasic, you ask? The answer is a bit complicated but became easier to understand once I learned I had aphantasia and started to proactively analyze how I think, pinpoint the self-taught strategies I use, and consciously apply thought processes. This became easier to understand as the publishing process of my book continued.
Once you have written your book and chosen a publishing company, (thank you Tellwell Publishing for your support,) the real hard work starts…answering all the creative questions.
The first question you get is: ‘What does your completed book look like to you’? For everyone with aphantasia, this question is a huge trap waiting to spring because it makes you feel inadequate and unable to provide a clear answer. The truthful answer to the question, for me, was ‘I have no idea’. Well, not no idea, just not a visual one, and when you try and explain that, it gets hard.
Luckily a great publishing company takes into account that not every author has a clear idea that can be easily explained to all the departments required to publish a book (editing, artists, marketing, etc.), so they break every step down into multiple parts and ask you specific questions.
One of the very first artistic-specific questions I was asked was: is your main character wearing clothes? (Remember, my main character is an animal so the question is reasonable). If yes, describe the material, colors, and fit of clothing your main character is wearing.
Ding! Lightbulb moment! It was then I realized specific questions allowed me, as the author, to provide detailed answers, which in turn told the artist exactly what the main character’s attire looked like. I couldn’t just pluck an answer out of a visual image in my head, because I didn’t have one.
The question encouraged me to conceptually think about and pinpoint what item of clothing I wanted my little echidna to have on, research materials for fabric detail, and narrow down the colors. In the case of Edward, I chose red (easy to find him in the garden), cotton overalls (easy for mum to wash and durable for a little echidna) with braces (to hold them up – no little echidna butt in this book).
From the moment I discovered the power research and choice gave me, the creative and publishing side of bringing my book to life became easy. The artist assigned to me did sketches of each double page based on my written word, my research, and the extra details I provided to her.
She provided the sketches and I asked for further development of detail or a change to a tree, bug, or Grandpa Echidna’s waistcoat depending on what she came back to me with. This process was long and sometimes challenging. Not because I had images in my head that I wanted reproduced, no. As someone with aphantasia, I had no images in my head. But because each page, each word, and each illustration was being developed through my words and this helped me see my idea coming to life! The tiny idea I started with grew to completion through my creative process of supplying my word images to someone that could make them visual.
From here my journey through the publishing process progressed because I was now armed with knowledge. I had figured out that in order to harness my creativity and publish my book, I had to work hard at understanding every nuance.
I had to tackle my fears that I wasn’t good enough or that my little story wasn’t important. Mostly, I had to accept and understand that, because I couldn’t visualize an answer like most people, I needed to provide myself with a reliable supply of knowledge that could be easily accessed. Research became my new best friend. Armed with my researched data, collections of pictures, and notes about everything I experienced, I can now confidently describe what I want in my books.
Throughout my publishing journey, I have learned a few valuable lessons I’m sharing here for anyone interested in becoming an author. Particularly anyone with aphantasia.
5 Lessons the Publishing Journey Taught Me About Coping With Aphantasia
- Ask yourself specific questions about details. You can’t picture it so you must research it or create it.
- Be prepared to research everything!
- Keep notes and pictures (I use scrapbooks).
- No question is stupid – ask!
- It’s your book. Own every part of it, every leaf in a tree, every fabric of clothing, and every word spoken.
Like all of us, I wear more hats than just my author hat. I am a wife, mother, teacher, sister, aunty, friend, cousin, Director of Ipswich Musical Theatre Company – Juniors, homeowner, hobby enthusiast…and the list goes on. The one thing all my hats have in common is I have aphantasia. This simple fact influences the way I think, feel (or sometimes don’t feel), and the way I work.
2) Strategies I Use to Cope With Having Aphantasia
Believe it or not, I think finding out I have aphantasia has been enlightening and liberating for me. Enlightening because I finally understand there is nothing wrong with me; I’m just different. Liberating because, not only does having aphantasia encourage me to explore how I think and learn, but more importantly, it has helped me become more consciously aware of the decisions I make.
I was asked recently if I am aware of any strategies I use in my everyday life to cope with having aphantasia. Here are a few.
- I use conscious imagination: I actively think about what I’m trying to imagine and supply myself with the details.
- I understand how I learn and use strategies that assist me, such as brainstorming ideas, developing mind maps, making lists, creating mnemonics, using tactile materials such as clay to explore ideas, and reading (a lot of reading).
- I don’t allow myself to be defined by other people’s expectations or limitations.
- I try to be creative every day.
- I take pictures, write notes, and scribble down details in scrapbooks.
- I keep my mind active by reading, doing puzzles, drawing, painting, gardening, building things, researching things I find interesting, playing with recipes and learning languages.
3) Am I Limited by Having Aphantasia?
Throughout my life, I have dealt with numerous challenges including an atrial septal (heart) defect, bone degeneration, cancer, and hearing loss. As a wife, author with aphantasia, teacher, and psychotherapist, I believe I am only confined by the limitations I put on myself. I am a creative person, a published author with aphantasia and I accomplish everything I set out to do from the seat of my wheelchair.
REFERENCES
Ebeyer, T. 2025. Expanding Aphantasia Definition. Researchers Propose New Boundaries. https://aphantasia.com/article/science/aphantasia-definition/
