Originally published on lianamscott.com
On those rare occasions in the morning, between sleep and awake, when the images from my dreams float behind my eyes—known as hypnopompia—that’s when I revel in what it must be like to “see” imagery.
My imagination is blind, meaning I can’t visualize. This neurodiversity is called aphantasia, and I was born with it. When I close my eyes and try to imagine something—an animal, a landscape, a person—all I see is black and grey and sometimes lava-lamp-like splotches of light purple and white. That’s the extent of my visual imagery.
Hypnopompia and Hypnagogia
I recently tweeted about this experience and was surprised to learn that this in-between sleep and awake state had a name: hypnopompia. In contrast, there is hypnagogia which is the state between awake and sleep.
According to Wikipedia:
The hypnopompic state (or hypnopompia) is the state of consciousness leading out of sleep, a term coined by the psychical researcher Frederic Myers. Its mirror is the hypnagogic state at sleep onset
Wikipedia
Upon doing a little bit of research, I learned that what I am actually experiencing is called hypnopompic hallucinations. What? I’m hallucinating?
The Sleep Foundation website explains:
Hypnopompic hallucinations are hallucinations that occur in the morning as you’re waking up . . . For most people, hypnopompic hallucinations are considered normal and are not cause for concern.
Jay Summer (“What Are Hypnopompic Hallucinations?”)
Needless to say, I was relieved to read that: “not cause for concern.” Still, way to burst my bubble, internet.
What Having Aphantasia Is Like
Having a blind imagination has never stopped me from achieving. For instance:
- I got good grades in school. However, math and science were definitely not my strong suit. Arts and literary courses were my bag.
- In my past corporate lives, I was a computer programmer, a support analyst, a project manager, a website developer, and a communications consultant.
- I’m highly organized.
- I read a lot of fiction, which astounds some people who learn I have aphantasia: “How can you follow the story if you can’t imagine the story as it unfolds?” The answer? I follow the story just fine. But I skim over long descriptions of people, places, and things, and concentrate on dialog, relationships, feelings, etc.
- I wrote a mystery novel which, again, begged the question—”But how?” Simply put, the story unfolded as my mind played it out. I know what a car chase looks and sounds like, for instance. I can write about it without visualizing how it looks. It’s the difference between seeing it in your imagination and perceiving it.
- Recently, I wrote a children’s book about aphantasia.
- I do pottery.
Having aphantasia doesn’t preclude me from being smart or creative. But having aphantasia is frustrating sometimes.
- I would appreciate a stronger ability to work with numbers and multidimensional concepts.
- My sense of direction sucks. Thankfully, there’s GPS.
- I wish the memory of my favorite places and events were accompanied by vivid mental images that I could relive at will. Photos and video help a lot in this regard.
- Hypnosis and meditation would be a lot easier. For some, it’s impossible.
- I would love to be able to close my eyes and picture the faces of my kids and grandkids on demand.
Where Aphantasia and Hypnopompia Cross Paths
Would I “cure” my blind imagination if I had the chance? First of all, aphantasia is not an illness or disease that demands a cure. But, if there was an opportunity to achieve vivid imagery, like many aphantasics, my response is: only if I could turn it on and off. The thought of having sudden, permanent imagery is overwhelming.
Until then, I will bask in the hypnopompic hallucinations that allow me to see images of my sweet mother, who passed in 2016… if only for a few brief, magical moments.
Explore more of Liana’s personal experiences on her blog, LianaMScott.com.
