When I was a child I remember being able to vividly be able to visualize people, objects, and moving visuals in my head. As silly as it sounds, as early as in first grade I remember swooning at my childhood crush in my mind’s eye, being able to perfectly imagine his face. And, sometimes on boring road trips or in class, I would “watch” movies or TV shows I’ve seen previously as best as I could. My aunt tells a story often, where one time in a car ride I told her to turn down the radio because I wanted to “listen to a different song in my head”.
Nowadays though, as a 21-year-old, I seem to have lost my visual sense of imagination almost entirely. Sometimes I have moments where I am able to “see” a small extent, but now my imagination has gone “dark”. It literally feels as if it’s darker than it was before if that makes sense. This is something that bothers me greatly as an artist and an animator, I used to be able to use it to plan elaborate sketches and come up with concepts for a drawing but now, it’s become pretty difficult. I can still draw of course, but the planning stages are severely hindered.
I was wondering if anyone here or anyone studying this, in particular, has a similar experience, or is looking into this more. I imagine the reasons it’s developed in me is either my depression worsening or my ADHD and depression medication having some sort of side effect that in some individuals causes aphantasia. I’m wondering what in the brain allows for this visualization, and if certain mental illnesses that affect certain parts of the brain can affect this (and if certain medications can do the same). If there is anyone reading who is doing a study and needs a participant, sign me in. This subject interests me greatly, as it has meant a lot to me throughout my life.
