Im 32 and I have only just found this website. My experience


Hi everyone,

I can’t believe I’ve only just found this network and honestly, I only learnt about Asphantasia about a year ago and blew it off probably because putting an actual name to something which has annoyed me for as long as I can remember made it all feel a bit too real.

About me:

I’m a 32-year-old male from England
I am a creative director/agency owner for branding
I have a twin brother who has no problems with imagination
I have a very good memory of past events but only the factual sides of what happened I have no ability to see colours, smells, textures, images etc.

My rant:

So I have been healthy my entire life I’ve never had any major hospital visits or problems and I’ve lived with Aphantasia for as long as I can remember. Like many others, I always thought the concept of “imagine this” was just metaphorical and it was just a chance for someone to build an image in your mind based on the information given. I understand that a sunrise behind some mountains should look a certain way but hell, to me that is almost like binary code I hear your command and pop it into my thoughts but I don’t paint a picture based on what you tell me.

I think my main annoyance is sleep? I work a lot and I have never enjoyed sleeping I’m usually not sleepy enough and just have to hang around with my eyes closed in complete darkness and I spend that time thinking about things, work, ideas of projects etc. I have however started to challenge myself to imagine a circle or just follow any response my brain tries to make while my eyes are shut but to this day (6months on) still nothing.

A benefit I suppose was any traumatic events for the family I recall the sadness but it doesn’t bother me? It’s like a filing cabinet of life lessons that I can tap into but not be upset by but I’ve learnt ways that experience should make you feel. 

Something that has made me wonder from time to time is my recollection of my childhood from a very early age pre 5’s the level of detail from room layouts, sofa choices, activities done on some random day have always been very very clear to me and last year I learnt that I did once let go of some roundabout handles and get struck to the side of my head pretty hard around the age of 7. Would love to one day know if that ever had anything to do with my visual blackout. 

I have tried drugs to try to stimulate my mind’s eye mainly cannabis and mushrooms but I’ve never seen any pink elephants. 

Overall I’m sure this is quite a boring read but I’ve had very little luck with having anyone believe or understand Aphantasia that at this point I just ignore it and carry on as usual. No one really stops and discusses their mind’s eye all that often so it’s mainly a personal annoyance that I will live with and writing my general experience about this has lifted a weight and hopefully someone else will read this and realise sleep is pretty annoying too haha. Plus at this point, I’m worried that my idea of what being able to visualise in my mind would be like actually wouldn’t be all that groundbreaking from how well I can mentally compose the facts into an idea (if that makes sense) 

Thank you for checking in and until our next visually blind meeting that was my Ted talk 

(Also sorry if this is not what a discussion board is for moderators can delete if needed)

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