A lot of problems with Aphantasia

I feel very limited by the aphantasia. I don’t see any pictures, I don’t feel any smell and I don’t hear any sounds when my eyes are closed. In addition, I am very disoriented. the only thing I can see are black backgrounds with white clouds and flickering lights in white and sometimes purple. I would like to remember a lot of things visually, but I can’t, I always need photos. I am very creative, but I can only paint with templates or directly in nature. From memory, this is not possible. I like to meditate a lot, but I can’t create images, I have to think everything from old memories in my head, which is becoming more and more difficult. Coping with anxiety through psychotherapy is impossible because I can’t visualize anything. Hypnosis also fails.
I miss it so much and I don’t know what I can replace this missing visualization power with.

I feel like I’m trapped in a dark hole, because I can no longer bring out wonderful impressions and everything fades more and more.


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Have you always had aphantasia or did you get it later in life? I used to have a vivid imagination and visualization, but now its all gone for me suddenly. I Feel like i am missing a big part of my life 

It seems like you have had a visual memory in the past, as it seems you know what it is you are missing. I have had it since I can recall. The struggle for me is getting others to accept I’m unable to see the world the way they do. Recalling events in the past for me as well is better than my partner that does not have Aphantasia. 

I wouldn’t even call it dark but an “absence of” and quiet. My meditations are refreshing; there are many forms of it, explore other types. See what is best for you.