I think your empathy comes from an abstract understanding of the source of the others emotional state. I can relate. Early training led me to treat others as I would want to be treated so, if in xyz situation I would want abc, then that would be my response. Most often it works out well, but not always! I had a mother-in-law whom I would not shame by deep cleaning that more which I would be ashamed to leave to discover she would rather I had done the deep cleaning:). These days, while I keep the notion of ‘doing as one would be done by’ close, I tend to ask first if this that or the other would be of any help.
Why try to ‘visualise’ someone else’s experience? It is impossible. The experience belongs to them. what belongs to the by-stander is the effect or consequence of the experience and it is this which elicits empathy.
Remember that, at some stage, everything goes through the brain as it receives and responds to reports from within the body. When responding to a situation/person requiring empathy, the brain is being economical with energy by responding as you describe. It would be both a waste and a dishonest effort for your brain to attempt an emotional response to create empathy. The energy and effort in an emotional response is best reserved for situations when you are in need of empathy from another.
Once I had a lot to say
until I learned what not to say
in order not to give offence
to avoid battering against the fence
of deeply held belief.
So it was with relief
that I broke the habit
and no longer grabbed at
conversation.
Then I found it all too quiet
and decided to break the verbal diet
the initial obstacle to cross
was the discovery of total loss
of patterned words for conversation
and worse, I found in consternation
were the same trite truths
from predicted angle
the same nowhere threads
left in the air to dangle
silently.
So to silence I again retired
serene in knowledge late acquired
of a truth never heard but often told
that speech is silver, silence gold.
Wrapped in the knowledge I now find
conversation from mind to mind
more accurately expressed by touch
as hands and kisses dies lie – as much –
as words.