Heavy emotions in any situation


I found out more than ten years ago that I am affected by aphantasia. In turn, logic is very strong, which makes me weigh every decision in life beforehand.

I am not able to imagine any pictures or moments, so I live in the here and now.
With the help of photos, I can remember the exact place where the photo was taken, with whom I experienced it plus countless other details like weather conditions, personal feelings and more. Purely mentally, however, it always needs a picture as a trigger.

My memory is very poor in many things, including name memory, other languages (vocabulary), people and much more. I can’t even repeat a spoken sentence or joke.

In terms of my everyday life, it affects emotions very strongly. In nice moments and experiences they are exuberant and I express them very often, how nice it is here, how great the food tastes, how happy I am.
In turn, in the less beautiful moments of life – quarrels, dissatisfaction, negative experiences set very strong negative emotions.
This range of mood swings are very large, which often brings me to the brink of despair.

If I undertake something in such a bad situation, everything else is partly forgotten immediately, but only in this moment of joy. As soon as calm returns, the negative thoughts and feelings immediately come to the fore again. Latest if I am see anything in my life which reminds me to one moment which is linked to any part of the situation.

Since the positive individual moments predominate, almost everyone perceives me as a very cheerful and radiant person.

Does anyone else feel this way, that the feelings are very strong in both directions?
In one moment pure joy, because this moment is present, in the other pure sadness?

Personally, this is a great burden to me, and talking about it only helps temporarily and always catches me up anew. In addition, there is the lack of understanding of the people around me.

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