Hi, I am really struggling with this and am wondering if anyone has managed to re obtain their ability to see imagery.
I am an artist and used to be able to picture concepts in my mind but realised this slipping away and becoming more and more difficult, until the ability left completely a few years ago. Now, no matter how hard or long I try, I see complete darkness. I used to be able to use this skill to imagine dream scenarios before bed to help me sleep and I remember things used to be so vivid and clear I could lose myself in my own self created worlds, which is something that got me into drawing and painting in the first place; and so, to lose this has left me feeling like I have lost a part of me that I valued deeply, without ever really knowing it at the time.
I stumbled upon the definition of Acquired Aphantasia literally today after googling around to find out why this happened. Until today, I thought that all adults (I'm 33) simply lost their ability due to 'growing out of their imagination'.
I don't know why this has happened, but here's an overview of who I am/was maybe it will help?
I have had no major trauma to my head or other physical harm. I did dabble with drugs, primarily psilocybin in my early 20's, I'm not sure if there may be any correlation. I guess I do have some psychological trauma from around the age of 18, but this has never affected me enough to burden me or cause me any depression.
I've read that memory may have something to do with this. I do have a terrible long term memory, which until now, I never really worried about. There are people and events in my past that I simple don't remember. I have past friends that I've bumped into at certain events of whom remember me entirely and are utterly bewildered that I don't remember who they are, anything about them or that time. It's as if there is a timeline and a bubble of the present that my current memory resides, which leaves thin patches of memory behind; seemingly leaving huge blocks of time that no longer exist to me.
As time has gone on, I have become a much calmer person, lacking ego and a need for attention. I studied Stoicism, which I attributed to this as practice manifesting itself, but now I am worried it maybe causal or symptomatic. I don't really care all that much for developing new relationships with people, friendly or romantic. I am actually pretty happy with my current situation in this regard but after reading about Acquired Aphantasia and the potential correlations that seem to define me almost entirely, I'm now worried that something is actually wrong with me.
This isn't a cry for help but if anyone has any advice on what I might be able to do to get my imagery back and/or whether what I have described might be something more serious, it would be much appreciated. Thank you!
