私は失語症なんだ。 私はこれまでずっと、物事をイメージすることに苦労してきた。 見えるのは真っ暗闇だけだ。 それが心配だった。 どんなに頑張ってもダメなんだ。 先生からイメージするように言われても、誘導瞑想でも、どんな状況でも、何もイメージできない。 思い浮かべることはできても、絵は浮かばないし、記憶さえもない。 私の心の目は暗闇だ。
Hello Lindsey, I sometime worried over the years that I could not remember childhood events, including most of high school. I do have memories that are sort of metadata outlines of things I’ve been telling myself about over the year, but no images or solid memories. With the advent of Iphone photography, I take and love to review both trips and special occasions, but also mundane things.
I always thought I wasn’t trying hard enough, in various personal development training courses the facilitators have told me that I must have the capacity to visualise because I dream in colour. No matter how hard I’ve tried or how much I’ve practiced I just have an inner blank screen. I can ‘see’ stuff but never as an image, I just kind of know it’s there and can describe and recognise it. My memories are formed of feelings and facts, no images. It’s why my photos are so precious to me as they are my visual memory. I’ve had early trauma (PTSD but with emotional flashbacks rather than visual ones) and have low self esteem, the help I’ve been offered to counter these is very reliant on the ability to visualise. It’s such a relief to discover others experience the world in this way too, and that these differences are finally being looked into to hopefully find more effective treatments.