Emotions and aphantasia
I’m over 30 and just realizing most people can “recall” and “imagine” sensations, how about feelings and emotions?, I can remember events and situation, some with much detail, but just as I can’t “see” the memory I can’t “feel” the emotion either, I can remember how I felt but as if I was asking other person to describe them to me, just like with visual information, I “know” how a rotated object would look like but I can’t see it and I can remember how I felt but I can’t feel it. Which for the most part is great, I’m not able to hold grudges, well I can but it’s not emotional is more an intellectual effort to act mad, but is very tiresome and can’t do it for long, and if I’m not actually mad usually I just let it go.
I would like to know if happens to everyone or if is just some unrelated “weirdness” (to me weird is a compliment by the way), somehow the aphantasia I just discovered doesn’t bother me at all, somehow I feel it has helped me, not sure how, but feels that way. Maybe related is also the fact that I’ve never been fixated in the past and I don’t think I’ve felt much regret, I know I’ve messed up and I actively try to avoid it but is not an emotional thing, not strong at least.
I understand what you mean. Intellectualizing one’s feeling seems practical. There may be some correlation between those with aphantastic wiring and the regulation of emotional outlet. To what extent…on that i am reluctant to speculate. On an individual level, we are all fingerprints. I am unable to recall very much from my childhood. I barley remember high school, turning 21, and i’d be lucky to recognize someone from my distant past if i ran into them decades later. I know i had good experiences on family vacations as a young kid, but i can only think about the locations where we would go, no details or feeling memories. On the contrary, i realize that the emotions behind painful experiences can emerge with certain actions as a trigger. I choose to think about living through dark times with detatchment, yet i am susceptible to reacting emotionally if the situation involves any type of discomfort. At the same time, some part of me allows the choice between feeling and numbness. Unfortunately, it has been easier to recall those times when i chose to feel the whole gamut of emotions associated with low vibration (fear, anger, rage, embarassment, sadness, etc.) For me, the emotional outlet is a firehose with two controls – on or off. For example, at my Dad’s funeral: I generally recall that i had a difficult time with feeling that day – it was a strain to experience any type of grief, even though it was the exact setting in which grief was expected to be processed. I had to force myself to feel anything. Contrast that with when our family pet passed away – i had to take 3 days off from work because i was so sickened with grief. This demonstrates to me that i am a human being capable of experiencing feeling, and also naturally adept at detaching emotion from thought afterward. It’s hard to describe without using words like observer or witness – but it’s like being a movie critic or a book critic. I am able to see the world through my eyes; and after watching the film or reading the chapters i could sit down at a desk and write an essay about what i noticed and experienced with my other phyiscal senses; the writing’s level of detail would depend upon the level of interest i had in the movie or book. I see, hear, smell, taste, touch and feel in the moment, and analyze when the experience is over. According to neuroscientist Dr. Joe Dispenza, memory without the emotional charge is called wisdom.