Relationships and aphantasia

J Hamilton asked 9 months ago
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I was wondering if literally not being able to picture a future with someone and staying in the here & now affects anyone else’s relationship? We have been together for almost 4 years and recently have been having some issues understanding each other on where to go. I try to take it day by day like he does but I see a future and he literally cannot picture one. He told me he doesn’t want to lose me however he feels like something is missing, though he doesn’t quite understand the lack of attachment due to not being able to picture a future together is far fetched. To me, part of falling in love is being able to see a future and then wanting that. He recently discovered he has aphantasia, so I am not sure if I am way off or that he actually doesn’t understand how much imagination affects feelings and memories.

Micktaa November 05, 2020 01:08 pm

In case you’re still with him, here’s my response.

Note I also come from a different perspective on love and relationships. For now I stick to casual dating.

But I can tell you there have been times I have been very attached to only one woman and extremely content with only seeing her. To the point I felt lazy about trying to "get" others.

I can want to see a woman next week.

I can want to see her over and over and hope it continues.

I can think "Oh, it’d be nice to do x"

If my preference were such, I’d probably think that about marriage/kids/becoming a grandpa.

Remember I am only one aphrantasic and we vary in experiences. I’m not him, don’t think like him, nor have the same views/beliefs.

Part of me also wonders if he has had sald similar things as I have. If he has and it hasn’t reassured you…I’m not sure what to think.

Also when he said he feels like something is missing I wonder if that says something about your guys relationship (but part of me thinks you made a typo there somewhere).

I hope my answer helps a tiny bit. Hope you guys reach a better understanding of each other and are content with each other!

Judith DeWitt November 23, 2020 05:14 am

I have aphantasia and have been married 39 years (to the same man).

I could not and cannot "picture" a future with him, but I can use words to imagine or discuss future plans. Although I cannot visualize, there is nothing wrong with my intellect.

When I plan an event or a trip, I look at all eventualities, positive and negative and go prepared for the best and the worst, and of course everything in between.

I guess the same can be said of our marriage. Admittedly, my husband is a patient man and perhaps should be canonized/sainted for putting up with me all these years, but my lack of ability to "picture"our future together has never stood in the way of our relationship.

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