I felt the same as you yet different, because I have always since I remember the concept been fascinated with the topic of consciousness. I was always aware that it must be diverse and different for everyone. Weeks prior to discovering that I have Aphantasia I experimented with just setting a pencil to paper and just drawing or writing. And a whole world of words and images comes up. Still filling out the questionnaires is a 0/10 experience for me and left me feeling jarred and inadequate, mostly owed to the fact that these questions take the word 'imagine' and put it in the box of "seeing" even though I know that I imagine things. Even that god damn apple, it's just that every aspect of it is an idea and a decision and knowledge. I have also vivid dreams that I write down, one of them has detailed architecture down to the very plumbing. You have lived your entire life with this and you'll be fine! You even have the benefit of being able to be more flexible with what you imagine. There's no preconception, we start with a blank slate and can add to it consciously.

I'm sorry you feel so alone after discovering you have Aphantasia. I felt confused and surprised when I first saw a post on FaceBook about it and then realized they were describing me. I scored a 27 on the self assessment, but that might be a bit high because I wasn't sure how to answer some questions because even though I see black, I feel as if my brain is drawing an image that I can't see but I somehow know what it is despite not being able to see it. I can do this with my eyes open as well. Geometric images are easier than faces or detailed images as a result. My understanding is that people with Aphantasia are more analytical and technical. They are better able to stronger abstract and conceptual thinking and work with details which is why they are drawn to technological, mathematics and engineering professions that focus more on ideas than images. They also have strong spatial or relational thinking for navigation, geometry and spatial layouts. Just think of it as your brain working differently and therefore having different strengths and weaknesses. It's why people have different talents and make different contributions to the world. Cognitive diversity is likely a benefit for society. So just be the best you that you can be! The only aspect that makes me down about the condition is the inability to recall old friends' and family members' faces. But that is why I value photographs so much. I sometimes go back and look at old photos and get flooded with memories. So there are ways around it. The positive side, if you can call it that, is that we experience grieving differently by not seeing the image of the person in our mind constantly. So we can choose convenient times to grieve with the assistance of photos rather than at all times of the day, if that makes any sense. So in some ways, we may have more control of our memories, thoughts and focus than others since we have less intrusive or distressing imagery. I'm sure there are other benefits that I'm not aware of but I hope this helps cheer you up a bit.

I am still not convinced this is not still made up.😂The first person I asked -coworker- also can not visualise anything, no sound no music no touch no nothing.If other people really can imagine things, I ll find that cool. I am not lacking something!

I just learned I have total aphantasia, yet the only thing disturbing is the idea that OTHER PEOPLE think it's weird. It's how I've always been. I've gotten along fine without seeing things in my mind's eye. I'm sorry you experience it as distressing. It's possible to do all the "visualize a safe place" and "concentrate on a gold light" meditation-type stuff without seeing something actually in your mind's eye. It's about focusing your attention and you can do that with the darkness behind your eyes. I'm quoting a TED talk guy here: There is no true normal out there and difference is not deviance. https://www.ted.com/talks/alex_rosenthal_can_you_picture_things_in_your_mind_i_can_t?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare

I experience total aphantasia. When I close my eyes, I see nothing but blackness. There are no colors, no flashing or swooshing lights; it’s simply an absence of all visual input. About a decade ago, I realized that almost everyone I know experiences this differently. I’m now 47, and I only discovered the literal nature of “imagination” in my mid-30s. I went through a long period of grief and a deep sense of loss and regret—that persists to this day, though it’s mostly a minor undertone when I’m reminded. I spent years, and sometimes still, reflecting on circumstances that were likely influenced by this—or at the very least, my own self-awareness and academic knowledge could have helped me navigate the difficulties that this may have caused. Upon discovering this, I almost immediately reached out to my father and siblings. After about two hours of explaining and sharing my experiences and knowledge about the matter, my father realized he has aphantasia, while one of my sisters can only see discrete images, and my oldest sibling has the ability to visualize on demand. Interestingly, two of my three children share my/our experience, while one child can vividly imagine. Funnily, in retrospect, when she was younger, she used to giggle when I tucked her in for bed because of the “cartoons that play on the back of (her) eyelids”--which I attributed to my old, incorrect, understanding of “imagination.” Since then, I’ve made an effort to be more aware of how this difference affects the reality I share with others. As teachers and counselors have interacted with my children, I’ve educated them about these topics and what techniques do/do not work well for each of them. In some ways, it has broadened and enriched my understanding of how vastly different our brains and life experiences are, which I believe is greatly understated and diminished. Here are some things worth noting: I generally have a better and more accurate memory than almost everyone I know, even without this ability. In my early adulthood, I went to art school and was very well-accomplished and recognized. I chose a career in Information Technology, and I’ve always excelled in the “visionary” aspects of my field. Since learning about this condition, I’ve tried many "visualization" techniques described (here and in various other resources), of which I’ve found very little success or influence. I’ve always felt a deep spiritual connection, but now I understand why my meditation experiences were so vastly different from others. When I read books as a child, they always simply felt like “information” to me (whether I enjoyed them or not), and I always preferred audio-visual mediums. Stress manifests physically for me, and physical stimulation (i.e. massage, bouncing a knee, moving my feet, etc.) works, whereas most (counselors recommended) techniques like “picturing myself in a safe space" have little to no influence on (or even exacerbate) my stressors. All this said, I very much relate to your message. While I do feel a bit of loss, I am now also very aware of the blessings it has likely brought. I have an extremely creative mind, and I suspect my childhood fears could have greatly disturbed me if I could have manifested my thoughts as literal visions. Also, though I fully understand the effects of reliving past trauma, I will never have to experience them with the fidelity of the literal imagery or sensation. Knowing about my limitation has given me the information and awareness to consider that others around me aren't necessarily experiencing life (or even the same events) the way I am, which can be helpful. Thank you for sharing. Perhaps there is something in my story that can help you on your journey, and I wish you the best.

Thanks for your openness and willingness to share such a heartfelt explanation, I appreciate it. I share in your experience of not seeing any imagery. I only see a deep and rich blackness - and can't create any image when closing my eyes. This has always been my experience. I too build lots of concepts and carry them with me - as memories, teaching tools, lived experiences, and basically as a lens for my life. One of my favorite things to do when I was a professional dancer, was put on music and close my eyes and dance through my routines. Do you know - I never once thought it strange that I wasn't seeing myself dance. I was moving at the pace of the motion - and, I could feel myself doing it..even while completely still. If I came to a part that I couldn't "visualize" - that was an indicator that I needed to practice that area...but, whether it was a part I could "visualize" or not- it was all still that same deep rich black nothingness. It has been only a few months now that I've known about aphantasia -and, along with the new knowledge has come a desire to reorient myself and attempt to explain or, fill in some gaps for areas in my life that have always seemed, quirky, or even challenging b/c - I've felt untethered or lacking an anchor. I'm starting to evaluate that and believe it stems from my inability to store personal visual memories...that is a skill that perhaps allow others to have these full...lengthy memories that spring to life immediately as they recall stories from their past. Unless life is right in front of me, I hold things very loosely...and, leave things where they are..and, as they are. This allows me to be very present - while, at the same time...I'm very organized and plan. So - go figure! I've not had many conversations with people about my aphantasia - the few I've attempted to have....leave people speaking to me like they need to fix me, or - challenge my experience. So, for now....I'm just quietly absorbing and evaluating....and, appreciating this new journey. You are most certainly not alone, there are others. I am here with you.

"I can't SEE it in my head, I just know that's what it is." I understand your situation. I also got a 16 on the Vividness of Visual Imagery Questionnaire and my wife has extreme hyperphantasia. Since I discovered that aphantasia was a thing (and I had it) a few years ago, my wife and I have been able to overcome some of our difficulties communicating. We were living in very different worlds. For me, it feels like I'm missing some sort of connection in my brain. When I close my eyes, I only see black, yet I can somehow sense something is "out there", like my vision is blocked by a wall of black glass. I can sometimes see things when I (rarely) have a lucid dream. The easiest is painting splats on the wall, with dark colors. Sometimes I can even punch holes in the wall, to see what's behind it. This is something that happens at most a few times a year. You might try to have lucid dreams, which is something which can be triggered with practice. Oddly, I have a few skills that would seem to be highly visual. I'm very good and very quick at identifying those "which one of these 3D rotated shapes match?" questions on an IQ test. I just "know" which one is correct, often before I even finish looking at each of the possible solution shapes. The same thing happens with jigsaw puzzle pieces. I'm also quite good at remembering shades of color, even though I see nothing but black in my mind's eye. I just "know" when a color matches the one in my memory. If I draw a map, even a complicated one, I can find my way to the destination, even when I've lost/forgotten the map. It doesn't help to study the map; I have to DRAW it to remember it. Even though I see only black with my eyes closed, I can still trace an image hiding behind the wall. One of my difficulties is that I'm partially face-blind. I now believe that's due to my aphantasia. Seriously, I might walk right past my sister without recognizing her, if I'm out in public. You're not alone. There's nothing "wrong" with you. 0.8% is still a lot, considering there are billions of people in the world. As it turns out, my 2 best friends and my doctor (GP) also have aphantasia. It's likely you know people who have aphantasia (and they might not even know it). My friends had no idea they had aphantasia until I told them that I had it. When I tell others of my aphantasia, I usually start with a seemingly simple question: What do you see when you close your eyes? Here's something to consider: My wife says she sometimes wishes she had aphantasia instead of hyperphantasia. She had some trauma in her past and is troubled by vivid memories and dreams (nightmares). At least in some cases, aphantasia might be a blessing, not a curse. As a Software Engineer, aphantasia might even be helpful: I can close my eyes and concentrate on the problem at hand without visual distractions. My suggestion is that you concentrate on things you enjoy and not focus on your limitations. Take lots of photos and videos, so you can relive the memories you can't see.

I felt the same as you yet different, because I have always since I remember the concept been fascinated with the topic of consciousness. I was always aware that it must be diverse and different for everyone. Weeks prior to discovering that I have Aphantasia I experimented with just setting a pencil to paper and just drawing or writing. And a whole world of words and images comes up. Still filling out the questionnaires is a 0/10 experience for me and left me feeling jarred and inadequate, mostly owed to the fact that these questions take the word 'imagine' and put it in the box of "seeing" even though I know that I imagine things. Even that god damn apple, it's just that every aspect of it is an idea and a decision and knowledge. I have also vivid dreams that I write down, one of them has detailed architecture down to the very plumbing. You have lived your entire life with this and you'll be fine! You even have the benefit of being able to be more flexible with what you imagine. There's no preconception, we start with a blank slate and can add to it consciously.

I'm sorry you feel so alone after discovering you have Aphantasia. I felt confused and surprised when I first saw a post on FaceBook about it and then realized they were describing me. I scored a 27 on the self assessment, but that might be a bit high because I wasn't sure how to answer some questions because even though I see black, I feel as if my brain is drawing an image that I can't see but I somehow know what it is despite not being able to see it. I can do this with my eyes open as well. Geometric images are easier than faces or detailed images as a result. My understanding is that people with Aphantasia are more analytical and technical. They are better able to stronger abstract and conceptual thinking and work with details which is why they are drawn to technological, mathematics and engineering professions that focus more on ideas than images. They also have strong spatial or relational thinking for navigation, geometry and spatial layouts. Just think of it as your brain working differently and therefore having different strengths and weaknesses. It's why people have different talents and make different contributions to the world. Cognitive diversity is likely a benefit for society. So just be the best you that you can be! The only aspect that makes me down about the condition is the inability to recall old friends' and family members' faces. But that is why I value photographs so much. I sometimes go back and look at old photos and get flooded with memories. So there are ways around it. The positive side, if you can call it that, is that we experience grieving differently by not seeing the image of the person in our mind constantly. So we can choose convenient times to grieve with the assistance of photos rather than at all times of the day, if that makes any sense. So in some ways, we may have more control of our memories, thoughts and focus than others since we have less intrusive or distressing imagery. I'm sure there are other benefits that I'm not aware of but I hope this helps cheer you up a bit.

I am still not convinced this is not still made up.😂The first person I asked -coworker- also can not visualise anything, no sound no music no touch no nothing.If other people really can imagine things, I ll find that cool. I am not lacking something!

I just learned I have total aphantasia, yet the only thing disturbing is the idea that OTHER PEOPLE think it's weird. It's how I've always been. I've gotten along fine without seeing things in my mind's eye. I'm sorry you experience it as distressing. It's possible to do all the "visualize a safe place" and "concentrate on a gold light" meditation-type stuff without seeing something actually in your mind's eye. It's about focusing your attention and you can do that with the darkness behind your eyes. I'm quoting a TED talk guy here: There is no true normal out there and difference is not deviance. https://www.ted.com/talks/alex_rosenthal_can_you_picture_things_in_your_mind_i_can_t?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare

I experience total aphantasia. When I close my eyes, I see nothing but blackness. There are no colors, no flashing or swooshing lights; it’s simply an absence of all visual input. About a decade ago, I realized that almost everyone I know experiences this differently. I’m now 47, and I only discovered the literal nature of “imagination” in my mid-30s. I went through a long period of grief and a deep sense of loss and regret—that persists to this day, though it’s mostly a minor undertone when I’m reminded. I spent years, and sometimes still, reflecting on circumstances that were likely influenced by this—or at the very least, my own self-awareness and academic knowledge could have helped me navigate the difficulties that this may have caused. Upon discovering this, I almost immediately reached out to my father and siblings. After about two hours of explaining and sharing my experiences and knowledge about the matter, my father realized he has aphantasia, while one of my sisters can only see discrete images, and my oldest sibling has the ability to visualize on demand. Interestingly, two of my three children share my/our experience, while one child can vividly imagine. Funnily, in retrospect, when she was younger, she used to giggle when I tucked her in for bed because of the “cartoons that play on the back of (her) eyelids”--which I attributed to my old, incorrect, understanding of “imagination.” Since then, I’ve made an effort to be more aware of how this difference affects the reality I share with others. As teachers and counselors have interacted with my children, I’ve educated them about these topics and what techniques do/do not work well for each of them. In some ways, it has broadened and enriched my understanding of how vastly different our brains and life experiences are, which I believe is greatly understated and diminished. Here are some things worth noting: I generally have a better and more accurate memory than almost everyone I know, even without this ability. In my early adulthood, I went to art school and was very well-accomplished and recognized. I chose a career in Information Technology, and I’ve always excelled in the “visionary” aspects of my field. Since learning about this condition, I’ve tried many "visualization" techniques described (here and in various other resources), of which I’ve found very little success or influence. I’ve always felt a deep spiritual connection, but now I understand why my meditation experiences were so vastly different from others. When I read books as a child, they always simply felt like “information” to me (whether I enjoyed them or not), and I always preferred audio-visual mediums. Stress manifests physically for me, and physical stimulation (i.e. massage, bouncing a knee, moving my feet, etc.) works, whereas most (counselors recommended) techniques like “picturing myself in a safe space" have little to no influence on (or even exacerbate) my stressors. All this said, I very much relate to your message. While I do feel a bit of loss, I am now also very aware of the blessings it has likely brought. I have an extremely creative mind, and I suspect my childhood fears could have greatly disturbed me if I could have manifested my thoughts as literal visions. Also, though I fully understand the effects of reliving past trauma, I will never have to experience them with the fidelity of the literal imagery or sensation. Knowing about my limitation has given me the information and awareness to consider that others around me aren't necessarily experiencing life (or even the same events) the way I am, which can be helpful. Thank you for sharing. Perhaps there is something in my story that can help you on your journey, and I wish you the best.

Thanks for your openness and willingness to share such a heartfelt explanation, I appreciate it. I share in your experience of not seeing any imagery. I only see a deep and rich blackness - and can't create any image when closing my eyes. This has always been my experience. I too build lots of concepts and carry them with me - as memories, teaching tools, lived experiences, and basically as a lens for my life. One of my favorite things to do when I was a professional dancer, was put on music and close my eyes and dance through my routines. Do you know - I never once thought it strange that I wasn't seeing myself dance. I was moving at the pace of the motion - and, I could feel myself doing it..even while completely still. If I came to a part that I couldn't "visualize" - that was an indicator that I needed to practice that area...but, whether it was a part I could "visualize" or not- it was all still that same deep rich black nothingness. It has been only a few months now that I've known about aphantasia -and, along with the new knowledge has come a desire to reorient myself and attempt to explain or, fill in some gaps for areas in my life that have always seemed, quirky, or even challenging b/c - I've felt untethered or lacking an anchor. I'm starting to evaluate that and believe it stems from my inability to store personal visual memories...that is a skill that perhaps allow others to have these full...lengthy memories that spring to life immediately as they recall stories from their past. Unless life is right in front of me, I hold things very loosely...and, leave things where they are..and, as they are. This allows me to be very present - while, at the same time...I'm very organized and plan. So - go figure! I've not had many conversations with people about my aphantasia - the few I've attempted to have....leave people speaking to me like they need to fix me, or - challenge my experience. So, for now....I'm just quietly absorbing and evaluating....and, appreciating this new journey. You are most certainly not alone, there are others. I am here with you.

"I can't SEE it in my head, I just know that's what it is." I understand your situation. I also got a 16 on the Vividness of Visual Imagery Questionnaire and my wife has extreme hyperphantasia. Since I discovered that aphantasia was a thing (and I had it) a few years ago, my wife and I have been able to overcome some of our difficulties communicating. We were living in very different worlds. For me, it feels like I'm missing some sort of connection in my brain. When I close my eyes, I only see black, yet I can somehow sense something is "out there", like my vision is blocked by a wall of black glass. I can sometimes see things when I (rarely) have a lucid dream. The easiest is painting splats on the wall, with dark colors. Sometimes I can even punch holes in the wall, to see what's behind it. This is something that happens at most a few times a year. You might try to have lucid dreams, which is something which can be triggered with practice. Oddly, I have a few skills that would seem to be highly visual. I'm very good and very quick at identifying those "which one of these 3D rotated shapes match?" questions on an IQ test. I just "know" which one is correct, often before I even finish looking at each of the possible solution shapes. The same thing happens with jigsaw puzzle pieces. I'm also quite good at remembering shades of color, even though I see nothing but black in my mind's eye. I just "know" when a color matches the one in my memory. If I draw a map, even a complicated one, I can find my way to the destination, even when I've lost/forgotten the map. It doesn't help to study the map; I have to DRAW it to remember it. Even though I see only black with my eyes closed, I can still trace an image hiding behind the wall. One of my difficulties is that I'm partially face-blind. I now believe that's due to my aphantasia. Seriously, I might walk right past my sister without recognizing her, if I'm out in public. You're not alone. There's nothing "wrong" with you. 0.8% is still a lot, considering there are billions of people in the world. As it turns out, my 2 best friends and my doctor (GP) also have aphantasia. It's likely you know people who have aphantasia (and they might not even know it). My friends had no idea they had aphantasia until I told them that I had it. When I tell others of my aphantasia, I usually start with a seemingly simple question: What do you see when you close your eyes? Here's something to consider: My wife says she sometimes wishes she had aphantasia instead of hyperphantasia. She had some trauma in her past and is troubled by vivid memories and dreams (nightmares). At least in some cases, aphantasia might be a blessing, not a curse. As a Software Engineer, aphantasia might even be helpful: I can close my eyes and concentrate on the problem at hand without visual distractions. My suggestion is that you concentrate on things you enjoy and not focus on your limitations. Take lots of photos and videos, so you can relive the memories you can't see.