@mark-amos · Joined May 2025
On “Maybe You Have SDAM?”
I lost my son a few months ago, and talked to a therapist about grieving. It's clear that my grieving process is much different from "normal people's." I cried when I learned of his death, but within a couple of weeks, I felt nothing unless I saw a picture of him or my wife said something about him. "Out of sight, out of mind" has informed everything from relationships to job history. Before I retired, I kept a detailed journal every day of stuff I completed, mostly so I'd have something to talk about during performance appraisals - my leaders/managers often mentioned that they were impressed by the level of details in my personal appraisals. For me it was just a necessity!
On “Maybe You Have SDAM?”
My wife says that my aphantasia/SDAM explains a lot about me. I've developed the ability to "fake" empathy, but that was really a response to people saying I was "cold." I don't hold on to mementos and don't experience nostalgia like most people. When I first learned about other SDAM folks' experiences they resonated strongly with me. It's comforting just knowing that there are other people like me.
On “Aphantasia and mourning”
We lost our son to suicide a couple of months ago. I have aphantasia and SDAM and other than crying when he died, I don't seem to be experiencing grief. Once in a while, I see something that triggers sadness (usually a photograph of him) but other than that, I just don't. My wife, on the other hand still has periods of uncontrolled sobbing. I feel like I "should" feel more, but it's just not there - I assume because of the SDAM. I wish there was something more I could do for my wife, but for me, the sadness is just that I won't see him again...