Mark Amos

I lost my son a few months ago, and talked to a therapist about grieving. It's clear that my grieving process is much different from "normal people's." I cried when I learned of his death, but within a couple of weeks, I felt nothing unless I saw a picture of him or my wife said something about him. "Out of sight, out of mind" has informed everything from relationships to job history. Before I retired, I kept a detailed journal every day of stuff I completed, mostly so I'd have something to talk about during performance appraisals - my leaders/managers often mentioned that they were impressed by the level of details in my personal appraisals. For me it was just a necessity!

My wife says that my aphantasia/SDAM explains a lot about me. I've developed the ability to "fake" empathy, but that was really a response to people saying I was "cold." I don't hold on to mementos and don't experience nostalgia like most people. When I first learned about other SDAM folks' experiences they resonated strongly with me. It's comforting just knowing that there are other people like me.

We lost our son to suicide a couple of months ago. I have aphantasia and SDAM and other than crying when he died, I don't seem to be experiencing grief. Once in a while, I see something that triggers sadness (usually a photograph of him) but other than that, I just don't. My wife, on the other hand still has periods of uncontrolled sobbing. I feel like I "should" feel more, but it's just not there - I assume because of the SDAM. I wish there was something more I could do for my wife, but for me, the sadness is just that I won't see him again...