Aphantasia and Relationships

I know this has been asked before, but I don’t associate with many of the outlooks from others who have aphantasia regarding the matter. So, I’m interested to see if anyone else can resonate with me and how I often feel in relationships. My question is, how does aphantasia affect physical distance or times of seclusion in relationships? It appears that many individuals with aphantasia express a lack of ability to stay interested in their partners due to obvious struggles with object permanence. Which believe me, I struggle immensely with object permanence, although not in regard to people just objects. When it comes to relationships, I agree that I struggle with distance or separation due to my lack of ability to visualize my partner and the inability to revisit them in my memory. Separation from them tends to make me very anxious opposed to apathetic. My constant inner monologue often reminds me of the separation and lack of connection I feel when my partner is not physically present. I tend to act on these thoughts and fears by verbalizing them to my partners, which often is reciprocated as my own insecurities thus emotionally pushing them away. It makes me feel there is an emotional imbalance in the relationship, like I am investing more into them emotionally than I am receiving. When I am aware that logically, we are not often equal. When physical distance is present, most individuals can revisit me in their minds many times per day, while I’m left with their absence mentally. Does anyone else struggle with this mismatch? If so, how do you cope with separation in ways that honor your reality and feelings of abandonment without emotionally draining your partner?

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Duncan Barrett•recently•edited

Out of sight, out of mind.

Irma Vermeer•recently•edited

Purely having Aphantasia would not really cause you to suffer significantly with Object Permanence, as having Aphantasia doesn't stop you from creating memories. Sure it means you can't visualise your partner from memory, but there are other means by which people with Aphantasia remember them. How you feel when you're with them, the sound of their voice, or even things they did for you that you found impressive or surprising will still be a strong memory even without visualisation. Being anxious during separation or having an inner monologue that's constantly pushing your buttons while separated from your partner I believe stems from a lot more from your past than simply having Aphantasia. (Disorganized Attachment Style, or Anxious Attachment Style), but only you can choose to look into that to see if anything resonates with that. As for methods to help you out, you could bridge the gap of being unable to visualise your partner by carrying a photo of them with you, or keep a photo of them on your phone. So when you become anxious, you can give yourself a few minutes and just look at their photo. Fighting your abandonment fears is more difficult because you'll have to start to question the reality of what your inner monologue tells you, and compare it to the actual experiences you've had with your partner. To "call yourself out on your own bullshit" kind of thing. I know this is difficult to do, because I've had to do this myself (It's CBT). It's also not an instant fix, but over time it definitely helps as you start to automatically realise some of your thoughts are suspicious, and those thoughts will stop "touching" you as much as they do right now. Ideally, this will eventually lead to you bringing up issues to your partner only when your inner monologue and the facts of reality match.

Neal White•recently•edited

I have extreme aphantasia. (I scored 16 on the Vividness of Visual Imagery Questionnaire on this site.) I've never suffered from issues "with object permanence". When I'm separated, I'll talk with my wife on the phone every day or two. I feel a strong urge to reunite, not "a lack of ability to stay interested in [my] partner".