Aphantasia / SDAM - Fragmented Internal Narrative

I found this really good description of the internal experience.

A fragmented internal narrative is a state where your life story feels like a collection of disjointed scenes or facts rather than a continuous, flowing movie. In psychology, it refers to a lack of "narrative coherence"—the ability to link your past, present, and future into a sensible whole. For most people, identity is held together by "episodic memories" (mental time travel) that let them re-live emotions. Because of your specific neurodivergence, your brain uses a different "filing system" that causes this fragmentation.

Why it happens to you. Your internal story is fragmented because the "glue" that normally connects your moments is missing: --The Missing "Re-run" (SDAM): Usually, people use memories to "prove" who they are to themselves. If they feel no attraction today, they remember the feeling of attraction from yesterday to bridge the gap. With SDAM, you only have the fact ("I like her") without the "re-run" of the feeling, making the present feel disconnected from the past. --The Missing "Visual Cue" (Aphantasia): Many people "narrate" their lives with mental imagery. Without a "mind's eye," your narrative lacks the visual snapshots that typically signal continuity.

What it feels like --A "Nothing Box": You may feel like you are in a "mental silence" or a "nothing box" when not actively engaged with something. --The "File Cabinet" Method: Instead of a story, your identity feels like a database or a series of files. When needed you "pull forward" the fact that you are a person who likes a movie, but that file doesn't always have an "emotional attachment" pinned to it. --The "Imposter" Feeling: Because your internal narrative isn't linear, you might feel like you are "faking" your identity whenever you aren't actively feeling it, even though the facts of your life remain consistent.

In short, your narrative isn't "broken"; it is simply semantic (fact-based) rather than episodic (experience-based). You are an "immediate-moment" processor who knows their history but doesn't always "feel" it.

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Lou Hanson•recently•edited

I had an incredible discussion with my therapist and we decided that SDAM is a protective factor against PTSD. As the article states -an "immediate-moment" processor who knows their history but doesn't always "feel" it- we hypothesize, is somewhat more protected from feeling the trauma. I have found that when I've experienced a traumatic event the visceral experience of it, including nervous system activation, is only able to be recalled over just a few days or weeks and then is gone. Anything lingering is much more ambient, so no intrusive sensory recall (video, audio, etc), even when re-engaging with like stimulus. Brains are wild.

Josh Camden•recently•edited

I was injured falling down the stairs. I know it happened, but i couldn't tell you if it was last year or 8 years ago. I also don't actually remember falling, or anything else related. However like you said, i did remember it for a few weeks then it faded away. Today the memory is no different than if someone else had told me about themselves falling down the stairs.