Excited to have found this community
2 min readByTim Gucek
Good morning, fellow Aphantasiacs.
I'm not sure what I'm looking to gain from this group but I'm so glad I've found it. I often tell people I have aphantasia but it's something most can't grasp. Much in the same way that we can't grasp imagery. My wife also has it but she doesn't feel as ‘robbed’ for it as I do.
Everything I've seen here. The mediation failing, the therapists asking you to see a safe space, the teachers telling me my imagination was just poor (or I was flat out lying). It's all led to me to be somewhat resentful.
Moreso than than that, though, I think my aphantasia is co-morbid with my ADHD. In some specific states of rest, relaxation (rare but it can happen), or with the aid of specific medications I've bene prescribed I can sometimes unlock visualisation. It's almost as if my mind is working hard in the background but I don't have the appropriate connecting hardware to run the system that creates imagery.
When I'm in the right state and my ADHD quiets, I can sometimes get visualisation on a very temporary (less than a couple of minutes) but extremely vivid basis. This has happened maybe 5 times in my life.
In short, I just feel vindicated and relieved that there are other people also struggling to come to terms with it later in life. I always knew I was ‘different', but I thought it was just a lack of patience for metaphors like ‘Imagine a beach’. Nobody can right? I can remember facts and technical specifications about beaches I've been to and mash them up, but I can't picture it. I can't draw it. I can guess what it would look like, but I can't ‘imagine’ it.
But I also feel resentful of having 35 years of my life result in ‘you’re just nothing doing it right' when it's something that is physiologically outside of my control.
Pleasure to be here and I sincerely hope this community flourishes. It's amazing to see so many people come together to provide support and guidance.
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