I couldn’t answer the questions in the test.

2 min readBySandra Douglas

I gave up on the test and have read lots of the discussions but haven’t found anything similar to what I experience. When asked to visualise something I get an instant full-colour flash of the image/object but it immediately fades to black (as if someone fired an old camera flash with an image embedded into it directly into your eyes/brain). When it’s all gone I’m left with a profound ‘feeling’ of the object, including knowing how it tastes and sounds, but I can no longer conjure up the image, the taste or the sound. So I end up knowing it, inside of me, but if I try really hard to re-visualise it I can only get microsecond flashes of bits of the image- like confetti. Just to make things more complex I also have ptsd and severe depression (probably because of all of these ‘feelings’ of things/memories/events - some of which I seem to keep forever inside me), am currently working on finding out if I have ADHD or not, and I lost my sense of smell due to COVID 2.5 years ago and now seem to have lost my ability to remember smells as well.

The past memories I have are all based on photos which intrigues me- are my memories all actually just constructs based on what I can see in the photo? And are they even accurate? And yet I can ‘remember’ certain events based on the feelings from them ie warmth on my back and a sense of ‘green’ from sitting on the school field talking to friends as a teenager. No idea who was there or what they looked like or what we talked about. At 54 I feel ‘full up’ with vague feelings, shapes and colours but sadly empty of concrete memories. And, I’m an artist. I paint realistic portraits of people. I have to have a reference image to refer to and I’ve never managed to be comfortable creating abstract art. I am very lateral-thinking and can problem solve really well, I can ‘feel’ how to solve a problem or build/design something for a certain purpose but I don’t see it in my head. It’s similar to Neal’s black glass analogy. I’m also good with the rotating objects challenges. Anyway, that’s my weird and wonderful brain. And it’s a shame the questionnaire doesn’t have a comment section for each answer. There’s no tick box for ‘Yes (I see it in full colour and great detail) but for a microsecond and then I’m left with a profound knowledge of the object/image/person but couldn’t describe it to you as a visual representation anymore. :-)

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James Gardner•recently•edited

Glad to hear so many folks have the same scenario as me- just a fleeting image that quickly fades to black.The crazy thing is that I have these wild dreams, highly complex and full of intrigue and adventure. And they are highly visual because I can "see " them when I wake up and recall what was going on, but only for an instant, and then it goes away. On a side note, does anyone think they may have experienced aphantasia after a head trauma. I will likely never know, but at age 16 I slipped off a diving board and hit the back of my head, requiring a bunch of stitches. Up to that point I was a straight A student, but then began to struggle in class in subjects with heavy visual requirements. In college I started as pre med, but ended up majoring in surfing after I got a C in biology, and eventually ended up as a contractor where I could use my verbal and kinesthetic skills which were my strengths. Not sure if maybe this was genetic and life was just easier when I was a kid, but I just wonder if.....

Ben G•recently•edited

I just found this website, and I also didn't fill the VVIQ test for the "same" reason : I do see a still picture as a flash when I think about someone / something / somewhere, but can't retain that image. So I do recognize people, and can even (sometime) notice changes like a new hairdo (not matching my postcard), but can't keep the memory long enough to describe it (what is the shape of the face? unknown. But if I have to find it on a list like in a police sketchbook, I'll likely end up close enough... as else it will feel wrong, mostly in my belly). The apple is more its concept, and I can see (briefly) pictures of apples I saw before in real life. The ball pushed on the table definitely rolled out and fell (I played pool before), but had no real size, color, actual person pushing it... until asked, when several images collide in a hurry (fast, uncontrolled, changing between photographs of balls I really saw before). I definitely ear voice(s) and music in my head, though, and can see/feel dance moves (and travel directions), one of my main hobbies. Brains are strange !

Neal White•recently•edited

Brains certainly are strange. Welcome to the site!

Tom Ebeyer•recently•edited

Thank you for sharing! We know the current tests don't capture the true range of our experiences. We're working on new and unique ways to measure our individual differences!

Tom Ebeyer•recently•edited

Thank you for sharing these thoughts! We know the test is quite limited in capturing the true range of our individual differences. We're working on new and unique ways to measure the true range of imagery!

Leslie Schoeb•recently•edited

I also can “see” an apple, for example, for a microsecond and then it’s gone. But when i “see” it is not like an image I can look at, it’s more of an idea of an apple.

Russ Brockel•recently•edited

This is exactly how I "see" things and memories, it's like an afterglow. There is no emotional connection and no other senses are involved. Once the afterglow is gone there is just the void.

Liên Vũ Kim•recently•edited

Perhaps my main issue with the VVIQ questionnaire is the subjective judgement of one's visual perception. From what I can tell, I also have a roughly similar experience, although it's not really "a flash shot" but rather "a flickering projection". Multiple-choice tests do not address people's actual thinking processes, only hinting at them.

Sandra Douglas•recently•edited

Yes. Having read lots of these discussions yesterday I shudder to think how anyone could create a questionnaire that covers all the bases. Maybe a flow chart kind of approach would be more effective.

Neal White•recently•edited

Further thoughts... I'm sorry to hear about your loss of smell. There is some hope, since (at least in some cases) the sense does eventually return. I doubt it will help, but I've never been able to remember a smell or the feeling of warmth on my back. The only sense I can remember is sound. As for PTSD and depression, that's serious. Please seek proper help, if you haven't yet done so.

Sandra Douglas•recently•edited

Yeah, I’m working on it. The more I think about it the more I become convinced that the aphantasia is partially responsible. If my memories are linked to feelings and thoughts rather than images then the natural inclination is to store them instead of releasing them. Then, of course, I get filled up with ‘emotional detritus’.

Neal White•recently•edited

Further thoughts... "my memories are linked to feelings and thoughts" My memories do not include emotion, so I'm spared from that too. My memories are linked to places and are often quite detailed, even if I can't see them. Essentially, a memory is a list of things: For example: My childhood home was red brick, with forest green shutters, and white trim. There's a persimmon tree in the front yard and apple trees in the back, but most of the trees are pines... I could go on and on about that house (or other memories), but the point is that aphantasia is not necessarily a limitation that prevents living a full life. As for "emotional detritus" please try to release the thoughts that make you sad (or worse). I've found that I can reset my emotions or break a train of unwanted thoughts by concentrating on my breathing: Inhale for a count of 4, hold your breath for a count of 16, breathe out for a count of 8. Repeat as necessary until your mind is completely focused on your breathing. In particular, holding my breath seems to focus my mind on my breathing and the other thoughts just drift away.

Neal White•recently•edited

That's good to hear. It's possible that aphantasia is why your PTSD is not even worse. My wife is on the high end of hyperphantasia. Her memories feel completely real with vision, smell, touch, sounds, and tastes. Bad stuff happened in her past, which she has to relive again and again. She has said that she sometimes wishes she also had aphantasia, so she wasn't reliving those events over and over. I think there are situations where aphantasia is actually a blessing, not a handicap.

Neal White•recently•edited

Wow! The more I learn about peoples' mental experiences, the more unusual the differences seem. I think these differences have a lot to tell us about circuits in the brain. Sandra, I am also an artist (as a hobby) and I am also more comfortable creating realistic images. However, I do appreciate abstract art and own several abstract paintings. I can relate to your experience. While I almost always see nothing but blackness in my dreams, I'm able to create actual visual scenes during my (rare) lucid dreams, but I can't hold on to them. Try as I might, the images quickly fade, over the course of a second or so (maybe less, since it's dreamtime). Your disappointment in the questionnaire is understandable. I wonder what other variations are being overlooked. That's what prompted my recent post about seeing blackness vs nothingness in your mind's eye. Black is a color; nothingness is an absence, a void. I've seen both; they are not the same. I think a lot of people feel a sense of loss when they realize they have aphantasia. It sounds like you feel alone because you are "different". I've always been different (in other ways), so for me it was a revelation which brought understanding. It's OK to be different. Life would be boring otherwise.

Sandra Douglas•recently•edited

Thanks Neal. You write really well and I enjoy reading your posts. I didn’t realise that some people could see both the blackness and the void. Fascinating! I thought it would be a ‘ one or the other’ situation. I love abstract art. I love how it makes me feel. I haven’t been able to relax enough to create it myself though.

Neal White•recently•edited

You're welcome and thanks. My mom was an English teacher. :-)