Antonio Hernandez

Hello, good afternoon. On August 10th of this year, I found out I have aphantasia. Over time, I had noticed that I couldn't conjure up images when reading a book, but I didn't think much of it. I've always done carpentry and woodworking, but I couldn't imagine what I wanted because I had a conceptual idea and had to draw what I wanted to make, but I found this normal. When I traveled, I took many photos of the places I visited, but also of the hotel room, the bathroom, and all the places I passed by, to look at them later when I returned home and show them to my wife. It was never a problem at work, and I have an excellent memory and I cross-reference information and intelligence in the work I do. However, it was always in conceptual terms, and when conjuring up images, that wasn't possible. However, I always had photographs, so it wasn't a problem. However, just over three months ago, my wife, with whom we lived for 46 years, passed away. It has been horrible because, in addition to her painful loss, I also feel the tremendous pain of not having her image in my mind: I remember when we met, our marriage, her births, vacations, and thousands of moments in our lives. But not having her image when I close my eyes, nor images of my children, granddaughter, parents, and childhood friends, makes me hate this condition… Fortunately, thanks to God or perhaps by design, throughout my life, and especially during my 46 years of marriage, I have been able to treasure thousands of photographs and videos of our life together, which I review every day because, without them, it would be as if she and my entire life had never existed. Forgive me for this sad perception of aphantasia, but that's how I feel right now.