SANDRA Dune

No problems observing breath, as it is not something I have to visualize but rather do in "real time".

5 languages here. I was always good at languages. I do not "hear" words in my memory but can match sounds quite well. I am very verbal in English (mother tongue) as well.

I am aphantasic, age 71. I do not remember if I ever had visual memories. Yet I dream in vivid and colorful detail and also lucid dream occasionally also in great detail. In a normal awake state I can at most generate cloudy shadows that I "know" have colors (I don't see the colors just know which colors should be there). My daughter is always amazed at how well I can match colors, like an item I see in a store with something I have in my home, especially now that she knows I do not visualize these colors. I have patches of memory loss, people who remember me but who I do not remember or events that are a total blank yet I have great detail in other events. I have trouble recognizing casual relations when out of context, neighbors for example when not in the neighborhood. Come to think of it right now, I have many detailed memories of when I was 2 years old and they are much more visual than later memories. I also wonder if aphantasia can be "improved upon", I sense that it can and have been working on this since I learned a few years ago that I am different. I would be interested to hear from anyone else who is working on this possibility. Since I sometimes have visualizations while half-awake I try to prolong these states and expand them. So far I feel like I am staying in the state of heightened visualization a tad longer but only while half-awake. I also sometimes try to visualize while awake and can generate "better clouds" but it makes me physically uncomfortable to do so (fear?). I have begun to wonder if my aphantasia was provoked by the childhood trauma of seeing the wicked witch on a full screen at around age 3 (Disney's Snow White). I remember that scene in full color but less detail and how terrifying it had been. My question is: Could I have just turned off visualization at that time so as not to remember that scene?

I have aphantasia while awake. Yet I have clear, visual, colorful dreams and sometimes also visualize clearly while in a half-awake state. I have been able to generate a colored, somewhat clear visualization once or twice while in fairly deep meditation. Otherwise, while awake I have don't visualize at all, just a shadow-cloud of shape at the most.

Aphant here. Your comment caught my attention since my loved ones often comment that I do not look at them or look them in the eyes when I am speaking with them. I feel like they are asking me to stare them down and that they want to hold eye contact far too long for my comfort. I am never-the-less good at looking at people in a group in the eyes while giving a talk. It seems more comfortable when people are at a distance.