Acquired Aphantasia

Hi, I am really struggling with this and am wondering if anyone has managed to re obtain their ability to see imagery. I am an artist and used to be able to picture concepts in my mind but realised this slipping away and becoming more and more difficult, until the ability left completely a few years ago. Now, no matter how hard or long I try, I see complete darkness. I used to be able to use this skill to imagine dream scenarios before bed to help me sleep and I remember things used to be so vivid and clear I could lose myself in my own self created worlds, which is something that got me into drawing and painting in the first place; and so, to lose this has left me feeling like I have lost a part of me that I valued deeply, without ever really knowing it at the time. I stumbled upon the definition of Acquired Aphantasia literally today after googling around to find out why this happened. Until today, I thought that all adults (I'm 33) simply lost their ability due to 'growing out of their imagination'. I don't know why this has happened, but here's an overview of who I am/was maybe it will help? I have had no major trauma to my head or other physical harm. I did dabble with drugs, primarily psilocybin in my early 20's, I'm not sure if there may be any correlation. I guess I do have some psychological trauma from around the age of 18, but this has never affected me enough to burden me or cause me any depression. I've read that memory may have something to do with this. I do have a terrible long term memory, which until now, I never really worried about. There are people and events in my past that I simple don't remember. I have past friends that I've bumped into at certain events of whom remember me entirely and are utterly bewildered that I don't remember who they are, anything about them or that time. It's as if there is a timeline and a bubble of the present that my current memory resides, which leaves thin patches of memory behind; seemingly leaving huge blocks of time that no longer exist to me. As time has gone on, I have become a much calmer person, lacking ego and a need for attention. I studied Stoicism, which I attributed to this as practice manifesting itself, but now I am worried it maybe causal or symptomatic. I don't really care all that much for developing new relationships with people, friendly or romantic. I am actually pretty happy with my current situation in this regard but after reading about Acquired Aphantasia and the potential correlations that seem to define me almost entirely, I'm now worried that something is actually wrong with me. This isn't a cry for help but if anyone has any advice on what I might be able to do to get my imagery back and/or whether what I have described might be something more serious, it would be much appreciated. Thank you!

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Peter Jennings•recently

As another artist and inventor who has transitioned from hyperphantasia to partial aphantasia over recent years, I really relate to your story. For me, up to age 70, I could image anything perfectly and, exactly as you said, use it to imagine the dream I was about to have. This was my instant technique for going back to sleep when I woke up during the night and it was almost 100% effective. I also had lucid dreams, which I have missed for a few years now. For me, I thought it was probably just an effect of getting older, but in my case much older. My hyperphantasia was clearly part of what I did with my life, too. It leaves me with questions. Does getting older make a difference or is that coincidental? Is there a relationship between lucid dreaming and hyperphantasia? Can aphantasics lucid dream? What relationship is there to short term and long term memory of this change that is happening? I guess it is time to start googling and AI asking.

SANDRA Dune•recently

I am aphantasic, age 71. I do not remember if I ever had visual memories. Yet I dream in vivid and colorful detail and also lucid dream occasionally also in great detail. In a normal awake state I can at most generate cloudy shadows that I "know" have colors (I don't see the colors just know which colors should be there). My daughter is always amazed at how well I can match colors, like an item I see in a store with something I have in my home, especially now that she knows I do not visualize these colors. I have patches of memory loss, people who remember me but who I do not remember or events that are a total blank yet I have great detail in other events. I have trouble recognizing casual relations when out of context, neighbors for example when not in the neighborhood. Come to think of it right now, I have many detailed memories of when I was 2 years old and they are much more visual than later memories. I also wonder if aphantasia can be "improved upon", I sense that it can and have been working on this since I learned a few years ago that I am different. I would be interested to hear from anyone else who is working on this possibility. Since I sometimes have visualizations while half-awake I try to prolong these states and expand them. So far I feel like I am staying in the state of heightened visualization a tad longer but only while half-awake. I also sometimes try to visualize while awake and can generate "better clouds" but it makes me physically uncomfortable to do so (fear?). I have begun to wonder if my aphantasia was provoked by the childhood trauma of seeing the wicked witch on a full screen at around age 3 (Disney's Snow White). I remember that scene in full color but less detail and how terrifying it had been. My question is: Could I have just turned off visualization at that time so as not to remember that scene?