Renee Gallagher

Thanks for your openness and willingness to share such a heartfelt explanation, I appreciate it. I share in your experience of not seeing any imagery. I only see a deep and rich blackness - and can't create any image when closing my eyes. This has always been my experience. I too build lots of concepts and carry them with me - as memories, teaching tools, lived experiences, and basically as a lens for my life. One of my favorite things to do when I was a professional dancer, was put on music and close my eyes and dance through my routines. Do you know - I never once thought it strange that I wasn't seeing myself dance. I was moving at the pace of the motion - and, I could feel myself doing it..even while completely still. If I came to a part that I couldn't "visualize" - that was an indicator that I needed to practice that area...but, whether it was a part I could "visualize" or not- it was all still that same deep rich black nothingness. It has been only a few months now that I've known about aphantasia -and, along with the new knowledge has come a desire to reorient myself and attempt to explain or, fill in some gaps for areas in my life that have always seemed, quirky, or even challenging b/c - I've felt untethered or lacking an anchor. I'm starting to evaluate that and believe it stems from my inability to store personal visual memories...that is a skill that perhaps allow others to have these full...lengthy memories that spring to life immediately as they recall stories from their past. Unless life is right in front of me, I hold things very loosely...and, leave things where they are..and, as they are. This allows me to be very present - while, at the same time...I'm very organized and plan. So - go figure! I've not had many conversations with people about my aphantasia - the few I've attempted to have....leave people speaking to me like they need to fix me, or - challenge my experience. So, for now....I'm just quietly absorbing and evaluating....and, appreciating this new journey. You are most certainly not alone, there are others. I am here with you.