I discovered that I am a total multi-sensory aphant several years ago, but it was only recently realised I also have SDAM, am autistic and have several other neurodivergent labels. That discovery, as it does for many people, kind of rocked my world and it takes some adjustment to be able to settle into. Especially the autism part! But there has been a great result from that work - it allowed me to review, through the lens of aphantasia and SDAM, the trauma that has followed my entire life. The result of that journey was my first book, available on Amazon: Hidden in a Dark Place. I am a qualified Holistic Counsellor, Meditation Therapist, EFT Master practitioner, Reiki practitioner, Spiritual Advisor, blogger and author.
I discovered that I am a total multi-sensory aphant several years ago, but it was only recently realised I also have SDAM, am autistic and have several other neurodivergent labels. That discovery, as it does for many people, kind of rocked my world and it takes some adjustment to be able to settle into. Especially the autism part! But there has been a great result from that work - it allowed me to review, through the lens of aphantasia and SDAM, the trauma that has followed my entire life. The result of that journey was my first book, available on Amazon: Hidden in a Dark Place. I am a qualified Holistic Counsellor, Meditation Therapist, EFT Master practitioner, Reiki practitioner, Spiritual Advisor, blogger and author.
YES! "...general impression of black blankness began to reveal underlayers of fine-grained geometric lines and patterns which had variations in both brightness and color. The field was dynamic rather than static." I am total multi-sensory, regularly meditate and have learned to look deeper into the blankness. What I perceive is a golden, flowing mist which leads me into a level of Knowing/understanding. For me, proprioception is also involved. If I set the intention; and BELIEVE that I am standing in front of a golden glowing Buddha, then that is exactly where I am - even without any sensory input. I also have that quiet mind that many seek - white noise is my auditory companion. Definitely an advantage within meditation practice! Excellent article. Thank you.
Hi Andrea, For me, I stopped looking at the stories and started focusing more on the energy that was wrapped up in that shopping list of traumatic events. That's actually very hard because there is a very real fear that without those stories there will be no memories and if there are no memories - even the hard ones - what is left? I found a Clinical Psychologist who works with Internal Family Systems and discovered that this actually blended very well with my spiritual work, and I made the limitations within therapy VERY clear before we even had the first session. In IFS you treat each emotion (part) as if it were a separate person and sit down and talk with the emotion in a specific manner. What I did, rather than emotions, was focus on the stages of my life and looked at the Aspects of Self: the child, the young mother, the mature woman, the Krone plus a number of 'masks' I'd worn to help me cope, and I sat down and talked with them. I also wrote letters to them in my journal. My therapist also gave me somatic exercises and self-soothing techniques. But my biggest help was my spiritual teacher who was there for me for hours each day on the phone. It was like having a trusted person hold my hand - even though we live in very different parts of the world. My therapist - like many it seems - had no concept of aphantasia/SDAM so she asked me for links to articles she could access and learn from. I could see that I was probably pushing her outside her comfort zone a bit, but the difference between me now and me three months ago is remarkable. I do have to say that the biggest trigger in the change, is in how I view my neuro-divergency. I really do see it as a gift. Once I was able to let go of those trauma stories they started to fade, and although I still talk about my mother's programming of me, the actual events are very vague now. Another 6 months and I suspect they'll be gone unless triggered. The programming remains - and I am learning to accept it, but no longer as a victim.
Hi James, Welcome.I'm a meditation therapist, holistic counsellor and spiritual awakening facilitator amongst other things and discovered a few years ago that I have total multi-sensory aphantasia. I also have SDAM and a few other 'quirks'. I'm not a psychic medium - although I have dabbled, I mainly work with the Collective Consciousness of Humanity. I am also an advanced meditator and frequently travel within meditation. The way I describe what you are experiencing is Knowing. With a capital K. It is probably based on Claircognisance. I touched upon it in an article I wrote here in October 2022. It took me many years to fully trust what I Know to a point where I could confidently talk with others about it and now I rely on it a lot in my daily life. My best advice is to learn to use the things that you know - how your body feels. It gives you a lot of information that we process without fully recognising the process. Learn to be conscious of that process. Ask yourself constantly - Where do I feel that? How does it feel? What emotion does it evoke. I'd also like to say that you are not alone. I am frequently asked that question "How do you 'see' in meditation?" My answer is "I don't. I feel in my body and I Know in my Consciousness."
Thank you Maarten... WOW! This could be the missing link that fills in the gaps that cannot be explained by total aphantasia! My memory is dreadful - names, places, events, even memories of loved ones and friends - all are lost in the mists until an outside-source triggers them. I am definitely going to have to research this.
I don't dream. I have, however, had two dreams as a child - both nightmares and both triggered whilst under general anaesthesia. I have also had a couple of prophetic visions that were super clear. Eg - I saw lightening striking a bridge. The next day a friend sent me a photo of a bridge in her home town that had been hit by lightening that night.
YES! "...general impression of black blankness began to reveal underlayers of fine-grained geometric lines and patterns which had variations in both brightness and color. The field was dynamic rather than static." I am total multi-sensory, regularly meditate and have learned to look deeper into the blankness. What I perceive is a golden, flowing mist which leads me into a level of Knowing/understanding. For me, proprioception is also involved. If I set the intention; and BELIEVE that I am standing in front of a golden glowing Buddha, then that is exactly where I am - even without any sensory input. I also have that quiet mind that many seek - white noise is my auditory companion. Definitely an advantage within meditation practice! Excellent article. Thank you.
Hi Andrea, For me, I stopped looking at the stories and started focusing more on the energy that was wrapped up in that shopping list of traumatic events. That's actually very hard because there is a very real fear that without those stories there will be no memories and if there are no memories - even the hard ones - what is left? I found a Clinical Psychologist who works with Internal Family Systems and discovered that this actually blended very well with my spiritual work, and I made the limitations within therapy VERY clear before we even had the first session. In IFS you treat each emotion (part) as if it were a separate person and sit down and talk with the emotion in a specific manner. What I did, rather than emotions, was focus on the stages of my life and looked at the Aspects of Self: the child, the young mother, the mature woman, the Krone plus a number of 'masks' I'd worn to help me cope, and I sat down and talked with them. I also wrote letters to them in my journal. My therapist also gave me somatic exercises and self-soothing techniques. But my biggest help was my spiritual teacher who was there for me for hours each day on the phone. It was like having a trusted person hold my hand - even though we live in very different parts of the world. My therapist - like many it seems - had no concept of aphantasia/SDAM so she asked me for links to articles she could access and learn from. I could see that I was probably pushing her outside her comfort zone a bit, but the difference between me now and me three months ago is remarkable. I do have to say that the biggest trigger in the change, is in how I view my neuro-divergency. I really do see it as a gift. Once I was able to let go of those trauma stories they started to fade, and although I still talk about my mother's programming of me, the actual events are very vague now. Another 6 months and I suspect they'll be gone unless triggered. The programming remains - and I am learning to accept it, but no longer as a victim.
Hi James, Welcome.I'm a meditation therapist, holistic counsellor and spiritual awakening facilitator amongst other things and discovered a few years ago that I have total multi-sensory aphantasia. I also have SDAM and a few other 'quirks'. I'm not a psychic medium - although I have dabbled, I mainly work with the Collective Consciousness of Humanity. I am also an advanced meditator and frequently travel within meditation. The way I describe what you are experiencing is Knowing. With a capital K. It is probably based on Claircognisance. I touched upon it in an article I wrote here in October 2022. It took me many years to fully trust what I Know to a point where I could confidently talk with others about it and now I rely on it a lot in my daily life. My best advice is to learn to use the things that you know - how your body feels. It gives you a lot of information that we process without fully recognising the process. Learn to be conscious of that process. Ask yourself constantly - Where do I feel that? How does it feel? What emotion does it evoke. I'd also like to say that you are not alone. I am frequently asked that question "How do you 'see' in meditation?" My answer is "I don't. I feel in my body and I Know in my Consciousness."
Thank you Maarten... WOW! This could be the missing link that fills in the gaps that cannot be explained by total aphantasia! My memory is dreadful - names, places, events, even memories of loved ones and friends - all are lost in the mists until an outside-source triggers them. I am definitely going to have to research this.
I don't dream. I have, however, had two dreams as a child - both nightmares and both triggered whilst under general anaesthesia. I have also had a couple of prophetic visions that were super clear. Eg - I saw lightening striking a bridge. The next day a friend sent me a photo of a bridge in her home town that had been hit by lightening that night.