Antonella Kauffman

I love tea and I can taste it in my mouth even if I'm not drinking it, just by thinking about it. I can usually also taste foods that I'm craving. I can imagine sound as well and touch, but not smell or sight.

I have both. I can recall past conversations and sometimes they replay in my mind even if I don't want them to. I can also rehearse a speech and edit it in my mind, rehearse a conversation or answers to interview questions. I hear music in my mind and ear worms are the worst! I have an amazing sound memory and can tell when it's slightly off. I find it annoying when I song is different than it's recording which make it difficult for me to enjoy concerts, unless I'm not that familiar with the music or the artist performs it the same on stage. It's weird.

I was always good at math and I don't visualize it. My mind narrates it though as if some aspect of it is creating an image or as if I was writing it in my mind but cannot see it. My mind can narrate motion better than static images which is why I'm describing it as writing. That ability also makes it easier for me to hold onto different parts of a problem or test out different solutions in my mind in search of a better one. I can also do this better with my eyes open than closed. If I close my eyes I just see black which is very distracting. So while I don't actually see things, my mind narrates the process and the solutions. It's hard to articulate and it might be different for different people. Try different things to find out what works for you!

I'm sorry you feel so alone after discovering you have Aphantasia. I felt confused and surprised when I first saw a post on FaceBook about it and then realized they were describing me. I scored a 27 on the self assessment, but that might be a bit high because I wasn't sure how to answer some questions because even though I see black, I feel as if my brain is drawing an image that I can't see but I somehow know what it is despite not being able to see it. I can do this with my eyes open as well. Geometric images are easier than faces or detailed images as a result. My understanding is that people with Aphantasia are more analytical and technical. They are better able to stronger abstract and conceptual thinking and work with details which is why they are drawn to technological, mathematics and engineering professions that focus more on ideas than images. They also have strong spatial or relational thinking for navigation, geometry and spatial layouts. Just think of it as your brain working differently and therefore having different strengths and weaknesses. It's why people have different talents and make different contributions to the world. Cognitive diversity is likely a benefit for society. So just be the best you that you can be! The only aspect that makes me down about the condition is the inability to recall old friends' and family members' faces. But that is why I value photographs so much. I sometimes go back and look at old photos and get flooded with memories. So there are ways around it. The positive side, if you can call it that, is that we experience grieving differently by not seeing the image of the person in our mind constantly. So we can choose convenient times to grieve with the assistance of photos rather than at all times of the day, if that makes any sense. So in some ways, we may have more control of our memories, thoughts and focus than others since we have less intrusive or distressing imagery. I'm sure there are other benefits that I'm not aware of but I hope this helps cheer you up a bit.

When I close my eyes I see black, but similar to what you describe as sensing something hidden, I can sense that my brains forms images. I just can't see them. It's as if I'm missing the connections in my brain to see the images that it's making. Instead I have a description or a feeling of them. So I can navigate through a house in my head without actually seeing the layout. I can rehearse tennis drills in my head and feel warmed up even though all I see is black. I can do these things in my head (add numbers, pick an outfit to wear, find something, replay a scene from earlier in the day) with my eyes open or closed. Sometimes it's easier with my eyes open since the black doesn't distract me. If I'm meditating or calm, I sometimes see colors radiating in the blackness. The intensity and colors can change within a session. Also, if I move my eyes around when I see black, I sometimes see white jagged flashes of light which resemble nerves or lighting.

I think I can relate, though I'm not sure if you are experiencing the same thing I am. When I think about an image, I sense that my mind constructs it somewhere but I am missing the connection that allows me to see it. Instead I get a description of it, which is why I think it's easier to get information about something geometric than a face or an object. I can hear and feel in my mind, but not smell or taste. It's so strange how individual it is even amongst those with Aphantasia.

I am 57 years old, and just a few months ago I discovered that I cannot visualize when I attempted some visualization exercises and struggled with them. I then saw a Facebook post about Aphantasia and was shocked to realize that others saw images in their mind. I asked my family if they were able to see pictures in their mind; both my husband and son do, but my son's are more colorful and vivid, as it turns out. They too had never realized that people had different experiences. Since then, I have had several chats with ChatGPT on the subject, which have been quite interesting. I was actually directed to this network through a recent chat. ChatGPT gave me a number of tests. It seems that I have Aphantasia when I close my eyes, but that I have minimal visualization with my eyes open, particularly if it is geometric, such as a map or floor plan, or if it involves motion (spatial/relational imagery). For example, I can warm up for tennis in my mind or rehearse for a presentation in my head with minimal imagery. The images are a faint grayscale and not very detailed. I can't see faces or other static images (object imagery), however. ChatGPT says that I probably have hypophantasia. The reason I was directed to your site was because I am deeply interested in neurology and brain development, so I was inquiring about ways I could not only learn more about Aphantasia but also become involved in some way, such as clinical trials, community science, etc. I've started by making my way through the surveys before I dive deeper into what your website has to offer. So I'm in the early stages of my journey, yet at the same time I'm already starting to see some overlap with neurodivergent characteristics. I believe I have ADD, though I have never been diagnosed. But that's an entirely different story for another day, perhaps. I'm thrilled to have discovered your site. I wish I had known about all this earlier in life, but at the same time I'm a strong believer that life throws things at us when we are ready to deal with them. I'm excited to see where this journey leads me. Thank you for all of your work and for creating these resources and this amazing community.