@KEB
Joined 3 months agoI am a retired Structural Engineer who lived in blissful ignorance of my Aphantasia until one of my children suggested I might have this in 2025. Some of the things I struggled with during my working career now make more sense. My daughter who suggested that I may have aphantasia appears to be at or close to the other end of the spectrum
I only became aware of the term aphantasia about a year ago at the age of 68 when my youngest daughter told me an article she’d seen on TikTok made her realise that we were at opposite ends of the spectrum (her with hyperphantasia). I had lived all my life in blissful ignorance, assuming that ‘minds eye’ was simply a metaphorical way of describing memory. I had no idea that other people’s thought processes differed from mine. It makes me wonder if, had I known, I would have used aphantasia as a ‘crutch’ to avoid difficult situations in my life. Instead I developed my own coping methods. Looking back, it now seems clear that aphantasia affected not only my education but also my career path. Whilst I ‘managed’ at school, exams were never easy (in the early 1970s these were entirely memory based) and although I passed most of them, I chose not to continue full time learning beyond the age of 16. The one subject that came easy to me was Technical Drawing and this directed me to becoming a Trainee Draughtsman. Whether by design or (probably) luck, I was offered a place with Consultant Structural Engineers. In this field, most of the drawing work would be based on architectural plans with therefore no requirement to hold/imagine pictures in my mind. Interpreting the architectural drawings to prepare structural details was easy for me. If instead I had been offered a job with an architectural practice, my progress would probably have been more difficult even impossible. My education continued but on a part time basis and was targeted to engineering resulting in qualifications in structural engineering design. I eventually became a partner in a firm of Consulting Structural Engineers but was never as comfortable in this position as I had been as a Draughtsman with ‘imposter syndrome’ thoughts often affecting me. Probably the most obvious manifestation of aphantasia was in the difference between myself and my business partner in dealing with structural surveys of building, most often housing. He would return from site with a few scribbles on a single piece of paper and could produce a report from this in very little time. However, I would need to prepare copious notes and sketches whilst on site. Even with this additional information, it would still take considerably more time for me to assess the various pieces of information and complete the report and recommendations than my colleague. A game changer for me was the arrival of digital photography allowing me to take multiple pictures on site and have these on screen whilst preparing my reports. This allowed me to see the ‘bigger picture’ and speed up my work to something closer to my colleague’s. Whilst I am still happy to say that my business partner was a better engineer than me (probably the best I came across in my 50 year career) perhaps my efficiency would have been better without the aphantasia. The only area where I considered myself better than him was in the preparation of information and details for our clients/builders to use on site. Mine were considerably more detailed and resulted in fewer queries from site during construction. Even with this I would be overly obsessive about getting these details just right, often spending considerably more time than was warranted on these projects. This situation caused friction in the partnership as I was taking significantly more time than he was on similar projects, to the extent that I regularly ‘under-booked’ time on jobs. Even with this the partnership became strained and I chose to retired a few years earlier than I had previously anticipated. In my retirement I have continued drawing, mostly for my house and garden refurbishment. Despite having lived in this house for nearly 30 years I still needed to prepare drawings of it to figure out what work could be done. I could not see in my mind what was needed for the alterations but the solutions I have arrived at by drawing everything are (I consider) imaginative and have resulted in a much better house and garden than before. My need to draw everything is a standing joke with my family and friends but this does not bother me as it feels like the correct way! I expect there are many other ways that aphantasia has affected my life and I have deliberately not yet read many posts from other ‘sufferers’ but when I do I expect I will find commonality with some of their experiences. It’s probably good that I haven’t explored further as this post would be even longer! I only became aware of the term aphantasia about a year ago at the age of 68 when my youngest daughter told me an article she’d seen on TikTok made her realise that we were at opposite ends of the spectrum (her with hyperphantasia). I had lived all my life in blissful ignorance, assuming that ‘minds eye’ was simply a metaphorical way of describing memory. I had no idea that other people’s thought processes differed from mine. It makes me wonder if, had I known, I would have used aphantasia as a ‘crutch’ to avoid difficult situations in my life. Instead I developed my own coping methods. Looking back, it now seems clear that aphantasia affected not only my education but also my career path. Whilst I ‘managed’ at school, exams were never easy (in the early 1970s these were entirely memory based) and although I passed most of them, I chose not to continue full time learning beyond the age of 16. The one subject that came easy to me was Technical Drawing and this directed me to becoming a Trainee Draughtsman. Whether by design or (probably) luck, I was offered a place with Consultant Structural Engineers. In this field, most of the drawing work would be based on architectural plans with therefore no requirement to hold/imagine pictures in my mind. Interpreting the architectural drawings to prepare structural details was easy for me. If instead I had been offered a job with an architectural practice, my progress would probably have been more difficult even impossible. My education continued but on a part time basis and was targeted to engineering resulting in qualifications in structural engineering design. I eventually became a partner in a firm of Consulting Structural Engineers but was never as comfortable in this position as I had been as a Draughtsman with ‘imposter syndrome’ thoughts often affecting me. Probably the most obvious manifestation of aphantasia was in the difference between myself and my business partner in dealing with structural surveys of building, most often housing. He would return from site with a few scribbles on a single piece of paper and could produce a report from this in very little time. However, I would need to prepare copious notes and sketches whilst on site. Even with this additional information, it would still take considerably more time for me to assess the various pieces of information and complete the report and recommendations than my colleague. A game changer for me was the arrival of digital photography allowing me to take multiple pictures on site and have these on screen whilst preparing my reports. This allowed me to see the ‘bigger picture’ and speed up my work to something closer to my colleague’s. Whilst I am still happy to say that my business partner was a better engineer than me (probably the best I came across in my 50 year career) perhaps my efficiency would have been better without the aphantasia. The only area where I considered myself better than him was in the preparation of information and details for our clients/builders to use on site. Mine were considerably more detailed and resulted in fewer queries from site during construction. Even with this I would be overly obsessive about getting these details just right, often spending considerably more time than was warranted on these projects. This situation caused friction in the partnership as I was taking significantly more time than he was on similar projects, to the extent that I regularly ‘under-booked’ time on jobs. Even with this the partnership became strained and I chose to retired a few years earlier than I had previously anticipated. In my retirement I have continued drawing, mostly for my house and garden refurbishment. Despite having lived in this house for nearly 30 years I still needed to prepare drawings of it to figure out what work could be done. I could not see in my mind what was needed for the alterations but the solutions I have arrived at by drawing everything are (I consider) imaginative and have resulted in a much better house and garden than before. My need to draw everything is a standing joke with my family and friends but this does not bother me as it feels like the correct way! I expect there are many other ways that aphantasia has affected my life and I have deliberately not yet read many posts from other ‘sufferers’ but when I do I expect I will find commonality with some of their experiences. It’s probably good that I haven’t explored further as this post would be even longer!
Hello all, I am now 69 and retired and it was only last year that I first heard the term aphantasia when my youngest daughter suggested that I might have this 'problem' (she appears to be at the other end of the spectrum). She has also very recently pointed me towards the Aphantasia Network so please excuse the length of this post - I have a lot to 'get of my chest'. I have found photography to be a big help both in my home life and career although not realising why until recently. As Melody's post, I cannot picture my wife (of 35 years) in my head but instead I get an image of a certain photograph, although this is always just fleeting. It is similar with our children. In my career as a Structural Engineer I would often need to inspect existing buildings to assess structural problems, report on their condition and propose remedial work. My business partner, whilst carrying out a similar task, would arrive back in the office with a single scribbled sheet of paper and have a report prepared in quick time. However for me this was not possible, requiring me to make copious notes and sketches whilst on site that I would constantly refer to when preparing a report back at the office. Consequently the time I needed to do this work was much greater than my business partner to the extent that I often did not book a significant amount of the time it took for me to prepare these reports. Digital photography was a big help to me once this was available, allowing me to take a huge number of pictures to view back at the office whilst preparing the report. This helped to reduce the time spent on each job to a 'manageable' amount, but I was still not as efficient as my business partner. Feelings of inadequacy at work often lingered in my head, occasionally prompting me to consider abandoning my career. I now wonder what would have happened if I had been aware of this condition at an earlier age - would I have used it as a 'crutch' and avoided jobs where I needed to have a visual recall? (are there any?). At least in my ignorance of the condition (I thought 'minds eye' was just a saying and that everyone else just saw darkness like me) I had to find ways to work around problems. Music has been a happy constant in my life, with tunes and lyrics always invading my thoughts. I can recall thousands of song lyrics just from hearing the start of a tune. I find that I rarely have just one thought train at a time which distracts me from what I should be doing - if I am introduced to someone, I will often instantly forget their name as some other thoughts are going on simultaneously. Once again, my apologies for the length of this post but I clearly had more to say than had occurred to me before I started writing.