hi there! i just found out I'm total aphant a few days ago and i am struggling too. but this is my issue, i'm a buddhist and a lot of the specific practices we do, like you, are built around what are called meditation objects(deities), so yes we meditate with very specific and often complex mental visuals of compassionate bodhisattvas. mind blown when i realized i wasn't doing it wrong or was bad at it, i just can do it the way it is instructed. i don't have a solution. but i just wanted to express to you that i understand why its distressing. i will be talking to my teacher soon, so i will let you know if he has any useful thoughts. 

nice one zach!

hi riley, i’m 52, i found out 4 days ago i was total aphant. maybe finding out so late is better in certain ways, or not, still thinking about it. when i was younger i would mentally thoroughly analyze everything, almost compulsively. seen in this new light i think perhaps it was because i needed to put out that much brainwork because that was a system to remember - and it works, it just works differently. and im so grateful for that practice, i have mental muscles that are strong strong strong.   i’m an artist, i went to art school. i can tell you don’t need a visual memory to be an artist (it may even be a driving factor in my need to create imagery). i draw by the same analysis process - initial thorough examination (love a good skeleton!) and then repetition with a live or photo subject. once ive done that then the ability to draw that subject or a similar thing is hardwired, i can feel into it as my hands move, but its a whole body sensation. ive noticed when i get deeply into flow of art i talk it out verbally, again its a bit compulsive i find myself gesturing and talking out the feel of the thing. in my life i’ve done many other things as well though my core definition is always artist and hunter of thoughts, i get bored of things and i don’t cling to ideas of myself (that may be an aphant characteristic- if so, i think its a superpower!), so it may have influenced my ability to stick to things, but i see it more as being fluid and adaptable.   i think it may effect interpersonal relationships.. i’m just beginning to unpack that for myself. one thing i've noticed and struggled with all my life is that i have a hard time coming up with an instant response in a conversation, it can be very delayed- because theres nothing in my brain - i’m just listening.. but i don't know if thats connected or not. i think lack of mental imagery may effect my emotional/feeling way of being but no real concrete thoughts about that yet. i definetely do not think like others, i reach conclusions differently,  i see things differently i always have, i thought that was because i was an artist..  for now, in short as with so many adaptations that humans figure out work arounds for, being other abled doesn't limit your choices, only you do that. i loved what zach said about unseen factors and forces at play, yes! i think what we have is a special gift of being outliers of cultural observation, we see what’s there in front of us, not some projected group think psychosis, its not a limiting factor, but yes it will take hard work to find your path to learning workarounds..  best wishes riley! 

this is an interesting question that came up for me right away when i learned i was total aphant. i do consider myself to be close to the ‘a’ end of the sexual spectrum, and i now realise that lack of inner imagery may contribute to that, because in order to get sexually aroused i need to hear sequences of words and tones rather than having a playlist of images, and its honestly so much work, i cant be bothered. but if others can ‘see’ arousing images and get turned on.. that explains so much!!  it also makes me wonder about the prevelance of pornography. i have nevr found it of any interest and mostly distasteful tbh, but maybe people with inner visuals get a different sort of triggering effect in their brain.  this also brings up my sensitivity to spoken words and strong or hurtful language aimed at me. if my intimate partners ever, in or out of sexual context, speak cruelly or harshly to me, i cant help it, i lose all sexual interest in them, even if theyve sincerely apologized.  and i wonder now about not having images to bolster my inner defenses so that words are more strongly felt, and i think i have perhaps a verbal recall ability to re hear things in my head, rather than a visual recall.

hi there! i just found out I'm total aphant a few days ago and i am struggling too. but this is my issue, i'm a buddhist and a lot of the specific practices we do, like you, are built around what are called meditation objects(deities), so yes we meditate with very specific and often complex mental visuals of compassionate bodhisattvas. mind blown when i realized i wasn't doing it wrong or was bad at it, i just can do it the way it is instructed. i don't have a solution. but i just wanted to express to you that i understand why its distressing. i will be talking to my teacher soon, so i will let you know if he has any useful thoughts. 

nice one zach!

hi riley, i’m 52, i found out 4 days ago i was total aphant. maybe finding out so late is better in certain ways, or not, still thinking about it. when i was younger i would mentally thoroughly analyze everything, almost compulsively. seen in this new light i think perhaps it was because i needed to put out that much brainwork because that was a system to remember - and it works, it just works differently. and im so grateful for that practice, i have mental muscles that are strong strong strong.   i’m an artist, i went to art school. i can tell you don’t need a visual memory to be an artist (it may even be a driving factor in my need to create imagery). i draw by the same analysis process - initial thorough examination (love a good skeleton!) and then repetition with a live or photo subject. once ive done that then the ability to draw that subject or a similar thing is hardwired, i can feel into it as my hands move, but its a whole body sensation. ive noticed when i get deeply into flow of art i talk it out verbally, again its a bit compulsive i find myself gesturing and talking out the feel of the thing. in my life i’ve done many other things as well though my core definition is always artist and hunter of thoughts, i get bored of things and i don’t cling to ideas of myself (that may be an aphant characteristic- if so, i think its a superpower!), so it may have influenced my ability to stick to things, but i see it more as being fluid and adaptable.   i think it may effect interpersonal relationships.. i’m just beginning to unpack that for myself. one thing i've noticed and struggled with all my life is that i have a hard time coming up with an instant response in a conversation, it can be very delayed- because theres nothing in my brain - i’m just listening.. but i don't know if thats connected or not. i think lack of mental imagery may effect my emotional/feeling way of being but no real concrete thoughts about that yet. i definetely do not think like others, i reach conclusions differently,  i see things differently i always have, i thought that was because i was an artist..  for now, in short as with so many adaptations that humans figure out work arounds for, being other abled doesn't limit your choices, only you do that. i loved what zach said about unseen factors and forces at play, yes! i think what we have is a special gift of being outliers of cultural observation, we see what’s there in front of us, not some projected group think psychosis, its not a limiting factor, but yes it will take hard work to find your path to learning workarounds..  best wishes riley! 

this is an interesting question that came up for me right away when i learned i was total aphant. i do consider myself to be close to the ‘a’ end of the sexual spectrum, and i now realise that lack of inner imagery may contribute to that, because in order to get sexually aroused i need to hear sequences of words and tones rather than having a playlist of images, and its honestly so much work, i cant be bothered. but if others can ‘see’ arousing images and get turned on.. that explains so much!!  it also makes me wonder about the prevelance of pornography. i have nevr found it of any interest and mostly distasteful tbh, but maybe people with inner visuals get a different sort of triggering effect in their brain.  this also brings up my sensitivity to spoken words and strong or hurtful language aimed at me. if my intimate partners ever, in or out of sexual context, speak cruelly or harshly to me, i cant help it, i lose all sexual interest in them, even if theyve sincerely apologized.  and i wonder now about not having images to bolster my inner defenses so that words are more strongly felt, and i think i have perhaps a verbal recall ability to re hear things in my head, rather than a visual recall.