Gianluca Terenziani

I’d like to thank you for your question, as I know what it’s like to feel stupid—or at least to doubt whether I’ve truly understood what it means to "see" things in one’s mind. I’m in the same boat: if I close my eyes and someone asks me to think of an apple, I see nothing but blackness with a few patches of light here and there. So, if I were immediately asked what color it is, I could obviously just take a guess, but my natural response is that I don’t know the color—I just know it’s an apple. And this also makes me doubt that perhaps others, when asked to think of an apple, immediately add a lot of details that I don't, such as the color, light, stem, leaves, where it is located, etc., etc. So, you're not the only one asking yourself similar questions, and thanks for making me feel more than just less stupid, less "weird," too.

Please forgive my use of a translator; although I have learned to read and understand English reasonably well, I cannot write it correctly. I am 59 years old. My daughter, who holds a bachelor's degree in psychology, learned about this topic and mentioned it to me, suggesting it might be a condition that applies to my own situation. Honestly, I am looking for a doctor specializing in neurodivergence to find out if I actually have this condition, as it is difficult for me to assess it myself. Part of the reason is that I truly cannot visualize anything; I wonder if the "visualization" I lack is simply a matter of interpreting the concept of "seeing" with the mind's eye differently. However, various tests have made me realize that no images form in my mind—even when I think of familiar people, places, or objects. I would struggle to describe a family member beyond general outlines, and I always find it astonishing when, in crime dramas, characters are asked to describe someone they saw for only a few seconds to create a composite sketch. My interest also stems from potential memory-related issues; my biggest problem is a lack of episodic memories—except for specific instances that made a lasting impression for some reason. Often, my recollection of an event, a vacation, or a place I’ve visited is primarily emotional: it was nice, important, unpleasant, boring, interesting, and so on. I suspect I might have a similar issue with sounds and other senses, as I don't think I can "hear" a word or a voice by recalling it in my mind, nor can I "smell" anything in my imagination. So, after searching online and reading up on the subject, I ended up here. I thought I would see if I could find any suggestions—especially on how to live with this condition.