Raiden Feeney

When people said 'imagine/visualize this' to me, I felt a lot like you. Ive learned that for me the 'seeing without actually seeing' is my mind way of processing facts. With your example of a sunset in a beach, for me if I close my eyes I dont see it, but i know im trying to picture it, so I start listing facts about sunsets. And ill give very specific real quick; For me, im standing on a beach, there's waves stretching out endlessly I front of me into a sun about half set, the sky is littered with soft fluffy clouds colored in all manners of pinks, oranges, and soft rich purples. The clouds around the sun are slightly gilded, bringing a comforting feeling to it all. There I just described the facts of a (to me) typical experience of a sunset on a beach. I have never experienced it or seen it. In my head the whole time was a black screen, but i can feel what im trying to describe, and knowing general facts helps me be able to describe it. I do have some form of auditory synesthesia, which I think is what helps transcribe those scripts into feelings for me, but its been the best way I've been able to explain seeing without seeing in my mind to others, and I hope this gives even a sliver of insight to how it may be for you

I have a friend who is very similar! He cant do full on movies or videos like you in his head, but he described the 'free cam' experience, changing color, and changing detail as well. For him when its super clear like that he has a black background behind it only, but if he's focusing less on the details of the subject but instead the whole scene then he will just naturally get a background with it too. Its always fascinating listening to hypers share their experiences as a total aphant

The lower percentile are only estimates right now, nobody can say for sure right now how common or uncommon it actually is since its down to self reports the most, and with most not knowing it takes time to figure out the actual numbers of how many are affected by some form of it

Being someone who relies on muscle memory and lot, i feel ya of not seeing where it is but knowing how to guide people still. I wish you the best of luck with your pursuit of knowledge for not only yourself but also your son, youre doing great ♡

Im 23 now, and I've known ive had total aphantasia since I was 17 or 18, at least thats when I knew there was a name for it. My entire life has been full of a black screen, sometimes ill get a "black velvet." But, interestingly there will be times when im laying down trying to sleep, ill start seeing what I can only describe as kaleidoscopic, constantly changing geometric shapes (I truly hope that makes even the slightest sense to someone else out there) that stumps me of if thats a glimpse to what its like for others. My memory my entire life has always been spotty, some days ill remember the facts of what happened clearly and be able to say what I remember happening, and some days I could remember nothing at all, all with the same events. With so many other health issues/conditions I have and am discovering (thanks disabilities) I could never fully tell if my memory issues were due to aphantasia, or some other thing so im leaving that of my experiences up in the air, and my advice is; if you have something going on that you aren't sure could be a form of phantasia or any other condition, go check with your Dr first before assuming that its phantasia related, rule out all possibilities first just to be sure. I am 99.99% positive my aphantasia is congenital, as i actually remember when I first told my mom. We were at Sonic one night getting dinner (its what she wanted at the time) and I dont remember exactly how it got brought up, but i started explaining what aphantasia was (at the time there wasnt as much information as there is now) and she said that sounded a lot like what she has had her whole life. I then told her about the Apple scale and fully explained it all, showed her what it all looked like (she needs visual reminders like me) and proceeded to "test" her, to find she has aphantasia as well. Ive never asked my dad of if he has it, I dont think he even knows what it is (ill make sure to change that lol) but im sure he has either aphant or hypophant. My sister has about an average level, she told me she is able to see stuff in her head, I dont remember exactly what she described it like a couple months ago, but id say mid to low end average. When I found this out, I was fascinated cause she was the first person in my family that I could fully confirm had that mental visualization. Now, I do have an old friend, and his story is fascinating to me so much. Back when I discovered all of this, I had at the time told my friend and he was super curious about it, cause he never knew that happened to people. At the time just figuring out that it DID happen for others, I got curious and asked, and im glad I did cause thats when it put into perspective to me how massive of a spectrum aphantasia can be. He has hyperphantasia, id guess far end of the tail on the bell curve is where he would fall, but he can full on conjure a 3D image in his head, see it at any angle he wants (like he can smoothly rotate it around in his head and not miss a single detail) add or remove other objects or details, change colors, and change the distance perspectives. When I heard that, I was in awe that people could experience it like that, let alone some people have that surreal of an experience with it. Now, all of this is have just told you has been my experiences after learning about what it was, putting a name to it and spreading some word, and being satisfied with knowing why I cant picture images in my head. Surely, my curiosity ends there right? Apparently not, and im so glad my curiosity wont die with this, especially as more has been coming out. I am slowly learning more and more, understanding new things that could connect in my life even more to support my experience, but like I mentioned earlier with checking with drs, I have quite a few disabilities and health issues I've gotta get checked first that have similar symptoms, potential causes/triggers, etc that I wanna rule out before I settle saying its my aphantasia, cause I personally dont wanna leave a potential health issue unresolved thinking its something else. Namely, lots of mental/neurological health issues (autism, adhd, DID, CPTSD, etc) seem to have overlap, but had I not went and got diagnoses and found the cause for some, I could've assumed it was that, but always being filled with curiosity I exhaust all options first, and I cant emphasize and stress enough how important it is to see a Dr and talk about your concerns with them rather than self diagnosing as mush as possible when possible. Obviously aphantasia and its spectrum itself isn't a diagnosable condition, either you have ot or you dont, but i hope people dont assume any of its overlaps are truth for them without checking first, its nice having solid answers instead of rocky ones. As far as I know, my face blindness can be attributed to it, as no other Dr has been able to explain it, and im not the best with remembering people's names either. If people even get a haircut I wont recognize them immediately, and say they look familiar, and it isn't until I hear them speak that it clicks who it is. Ive never noticed issues with any other senses lacking really, and I think what helps me remember voices easier is my internal voice. Yes, its real (for those who dont experience it), for me its like having a little devil on your shoulder (or whatever you want on your shoulder, its figurative, if you can picture something there even cooler, whats that like?) who is constantly talking about anything you've done, wanna do, see, hear, feel, if youve done this yet, if you need to do that, just constantly running nonstop and its honestly annoying for me. But, its been there my whole life, its my own voice and conscience, and because its constantly cycling through not only personal thoughts, but also songs, random tunes that pop into my head that I've never even heard before, I think is whats able to help me remember the pitches of others and make out those specific differences between voices (plus being a choir kid helped me learn to recognize that pitch better) This has been a long yap, to those who read it, good on you! Hope there aren't too many spelling errors, I try to catch them as I ho with my dyslexia, but there's always stragglers. I would love to someday hopefully participate in studies, obviously to have answers for myself, but to also help understand it all as a whole and hopefully help even a little into the studies of such a fascinating thing. But for now I will keep spreading word and awareness, as well as keep checking for new information to better understand as we all learn more Tldr: I've known my whole life, learned the name about 7-8 years ago, know some friends and family at different points of the spectrum of phantasia, and know that there's some medical overlap of mine that isn't caused by it, but still interesting that overlap is there, and that inner voices are real for some, and can be annoying (take it with a grain of salt person to person how they feel on theirs if they have one). :)