Irma Vermeer

Not usually, but sometimes I have something like that. I'll be lying down in bed and randomly get the sense that I'm "the wrong way round" or something and it's disorienting enough to start thinking about it. I know I'm in the right place, but it feels like I'm not there the right way, if that makes any sense? I have to open my eyes to see the familiar wall or the door or something and then everything snaps back into place. It's weird.

I haven't got much info on this yet but I have CPTSD and waiting for therapy to start. For what I read, traditional therapy was heavily reliant on visualisation methods for grounding etc which aren't exactly effective when you have Aphantasia, and neither is the lack of visual imagery which would usually serve as an "identification" of sorts, so deeper digging is required for people with Aphantasia as stuff is hidden and "overcomes" us while we're left scratching our heads, not knowing why. It could lead to us placing the blame on ourselves because we can't find the real underlying reasons. More recently there's been a "shift" to alternate methods that don't rely on visualising... I *think* that's what it may refer to.

My memories are for the most part a pile of facts, but it's like a spider web. If I recall an event and list the immediate bits I remember, those bits act as a memory jog where I get access to more and more details about the event. The amount of stuff I remember from an event I'm told is very impressive, but unfortunately a spider web of bits doesn't have a chronological order, so it's a mess! In turn the side effect is that people find it hard to believe what I'm saying because they're wondering whether I'm making things up on the spot. As for sensory details, just emotion. Emotion is so vivid, it's as if a memory can make me feel the way I felt when I was there. If my mind gets bored, it's a game of chance which memories will come up, but the most "emotionally loaded" memories have the highest chance, until the replays slowly desensitize the memory. With both CPTSD and Trauma Anxiety, being able to "bask" in the emotion from different memories is both a blessing and a curse. The good is really good, the bad is really bad. The only good thing my mind seems to do about the most traumatic memories is that they get "blocked" to a degree, so I'm left with a "rough outline" of what happened and their emotion, along with the full physical symptoms which leave me scratching my head half the time.

During a discussion about my lack of direction. I'd narrowed the discussion down to locating all the shops on the street I lived at, and noticed other people I lived with could recall every stair, every shop, every building, every nook and every cranny, and every other random object on the street. When I asked them how they did that, they said they see it. I was like ???? and decided to do some investigating. I came across Aphantasia and had a light bulb moment.

Aphantasia and a Hearing Imbalance here (affects internal GPS and orientation). Direction? What is that? Please make google maps functional inside buidings, including inside public toilets, so I can find my way back out. Been trying a new trick, I talk to myself while navigating. I remember what I said to myself and it actually seems to help despite remaining completely directionless and unable to notice if 2 routes merge later on.

Understanding if you indeed have Aphantasia could help you deliberately use other memory types to help remember things. If you know visual memory is missing, you could for example tell yourself things, which uses auditory memory. Visual memory is only one type of memory. Trying to rely on or use visual memory, not knowing you have Aphantasia, can feel like a lost cause or you could even frustrate yourself.