Martha MacTavish

Recently, after seven decades of life, I discovered aphantasia in myself. It has been a...rattling...experience so far. However, many things have clicked into place though such as very poor autobiographical memory (most are conjured from photographs), inability to engage in guided meditation, lack of impact from ayahuasca and other psychedelics, poor facial recognition (in a profession that was very relationship driven), connecting names and faces, inability to be hypnotized or benefit from EMDR, and on and on. I suspect it also plays in my inability to learn certain things like reading music (can play most by ear), playing bridge etc. I had a counsellor insist I was repressing childhood trauma given my lack of recollections. I am also aware that adult traumas have mostly slipped away. But I also became aware of my abilities in other areas. I was involved in high level sport and competition and a big part of preparation was about visualizing my routine. I would feel it from start to finish...the muscle memory, the sensations etc. but it was always about the sensation, not the visualization. When I travel or experience new things I am truly engaged, but find it hard to share the experience with others afterwards. It can be very uncomfortable when someone insists on a memory I am part of and I have no recollection at all. I find I am very content living a more solitary lifestyle working on my second novel.

I am a newly discovered aphantasic and still in the shock and awe stage. I am a bit confused here with emotions being wrapped into an aphantasic's response with empathy. While I have always felt my empathy lacked depth, how does this relate to aphantasia?Also, slightly off topic but do others fail with reading other's body language?