Neal White

Do you find that some colors are harder to "bring in"? As I mentioned above, very dark blues, greens, and purples are easiest for me. Lighter colors like yellow are much harder, and white is extremely difficult.

My understanding is that if you experience "associated sounds, textures, and the feel of wind" AND visuals, you'd have hyperphantasia. Given your description, it does sound like you have aphantasia. Apparently, the senses people can imagine vary more than most people realize. I can imagine sounds, but none of the other senses. As for the cat in the tree, I can imagine the tree's structure and could sketch it, but it's not in shadow. Instead, it feels like it's behind a wall of black glass. Somehow, I know it's there, but all I see is black. I can sometimes get vague visuals when I (rarely) have a lucid dream, and can sometimes even punch a hole in the wall for a few seconds and see something, then it's back to black.

I have aphantasia (on the extreme low end of the scale). My first experience with hypophantasia was when I discussed my condition with my wife and discovered she has hypophantasia (and as it turns out, she's near the top end of the scale). This likely explains why we've had communication issues.

I only found out about aphantasia a few years ago. I didn't feel a sense of loss. Instead, I felt a sense of understanding: This explains a lot. Your description of an "invisible wall" sounds similar to my experience: It feels as if there's a wall of black glass blocking the vision of my mind's eye. I'm on the far end of the aphantasia scale. It's almost always black. However, I can somehow sense what is behind the wall. I can imagine a familiar scene and sketch what is hidden behind the black. For me, aphantasia hasn't felt limiting. I score very high on those 3D shapes you need to mentally rotate on an IQ test. I often seem to know the answer before I've even scanned all the choices. I've learned to punch holes in that glass wall or even smear colors across the blackness, when lucid dreaming. There have been 2 times in my life that I've seen something other than black when I was fully awake. The first was scary: I was playing an early arcade video game "Star Fire" which flashed the whole screen during tie fighter attacks, possibly triggering something akin to epilepsy: I continued to see the game after I quit playing. It would reappear whenever I closed my eyes. I was freaking out because I was SEEING THINGS WITH MY EYES CLOSED! At the time, I couldn't understand why my friends were not as alarmed as I was. The blackness faded back into place after an hour or so. The second time was when I lost 1/6th of my field of vision, due to an "aura without migraine". My vision was missing in a curved pie shape regardless of whether or not my eyes were closed. What did I see in that pie wedge? There were impossibly thin lines of red, yellow, and blue, which were so thin and sharp it almost hurt to look at them. They bounced outward along the edges of the wedge at a frantic speed. What was in between those lines? Nothing. Not black. Not gray. NOTHING. If I were to draw it, I'd use dark gray, but that's not what I saw. There was no color, just nothingness. I suggest you don't dwell on what you can't do and concentrate on what you can do and what makes you happy. Do what you can to capture the moments you can never relive with photos and videos. Try to learn how to experience lucid dreaming. It's entirely possible that you could learn to see SOMETHING with your eyes closed. If your life feels incomplete, perhaps you consider getting a pet or two. A dog will be your friend for life. Kittens are best adopted in pairs.

My wife has hyperphantasia. She is sometimes troubled by bad dreams and memories, which feel completely real to her (sight, sound, and touch). She has said that at times, she wishes she had aphantasia like I do. I do think the difference between our subjective reality has caused communication difficulties. I'm the artist, not her. Interestingly, I can somehow sense what I'm imagining and can sketch what I can't actually see. I also have superior color matching skills with remembered colors. I can't see the color, but I "know" when it's right.

My aphantasia wasn't much of an issue for me in school. I was even on my high school math team. Here are a couple of my main techniques: for physics, I used memorization: the first thing I did on a test was to write down the formulas in the margins. I only memorized the basic formulas and would then derive any other formulas as needed. Yes, that does waste precious time, but I usually was able to get a passing grade. For history, I would write down what the teacher said in class. Writing it down embedded it in my mind, so I could regurgitate it on tests.

No idea, but it wouldn't surprise me if there was. I have both.

Sorry, no, I haven't.

The darkness was just normal for me, so no I did not need to counteract it in any way. I have been a night owl most of my life and stay up far too late sometimes, but part of that is due to waiting until I actually feel sleepy before I go to bed. Otherwise, my mind may run frantically, like a like a hamster on its wheel. As an adult, I learned to breathe slowly and count my breaths, to counteract those frantic racing thoughts. That works, but only if I really focus on my breathing, to avoid intrusive thoughts. These days, I take melatonin, which really helps.

Very rarely and only when I've been sleeping in an unfamiliar place.

Interesting question. I like tea, but I am not a regular drinker. I prefer coffee in the morning. I can't image the taste, smell, sight, or touch of anything. However, I can imagine sounds, music, and people's voices (assuming I've heard them a lot). My wife has hyperphantasia. When she imagines something, she's THERE. Sight, sound, smells, taste, and touch - everything. She prefers tea, but I'm not sure there's any correlation.

Interesting question. I've never really thought about it. I guess I don't actually have an idea of "what my body looks like". I look in the mirror to see if I need to comb my hair, for example, but after I leave the mirror, I don't really think about my appearance at all. That's not to say I don't notice my body; in the shower the other day, I noticed how muscular my legs have become, now that I've been cycling on a regular basis. However, I have no visual mental model of my legs to update, just the fact: My legs look pretty good for an old fat guy. Generally, if I don't see it, I don't think about it.

Is there another sense (hearing/taste/touch) that you use to tell you about the features/details of past events? Smell often helps and sometimes sounds help too. My memories are stored chronologically. When I try to remember something, I try to place myself in a particular place and time, to retrieve events which happened there. Do you rely on verbal descriptions like I do, or something else? I'm also an artist, as well as a programmer. I'd say I depend on groups of ideas/details. When I think of a house I used to live in (there were many), I can retrieve memories that happened during the time I lived there. I remember the fact that a particular house was red brick with white trim, not an image of the house itself. I could draw a blueprint style diagram of the rooms, or a rough sketch of the house itself. (I don't see an image, yet I know where to draw the lines.) How much do your body sensations play into what you remember? Very little, other than smell.

When my eyes are closed, all I see is black. However, if I'm tired, or when I (rarely) have a lucid dream, I can paint blurry colors in my visual field. I can cause the colors to swirl or change colors. Dark colors are easiest, white is very hard and I've only achieved that a few times in my life. (I'm in my 60s.) If I concentrate, I can form crude pictures: blue sky, green grass, dark and blurry forest. It's not even as clear as a child's finger painting. I rarely have lucid dreams, but when I do, I try to experiment. It feels like my vision is blocked by black glass, but sometimes I can punch a hole through that glass wall. Usually, what's behind is quite blurry, really just a jumble of colors, but sometimes I see "the illusion of detail". That's an artistic technique of using lines or squiggles to give the impression of detail which isn't actually there.

I have aphantasia, but I can easily tell which rotated objects match another (as in IQ tests). I'm fast and very accurate, but I can't "see" anything, I just "know" the solution. I'm also good with drawings and maps. I can even draw what I can't see (I know a line goes here or that area is dark). I describe it as trying to look through black glass. I can't see it, but somehow I know it's there.

"they would want it only if they could turn it off if they wanted" I agree 100%. Normally, when I close my eyes, I see black. I can imagine things and it sort of feels like it's there, but there's a wall of black glass blocking my vision. Twice in my life, I have actually seen a visual image with my eyes closed. Both times were highly upsetting. I couldn't figure out why my friends brushed off my concerns about "seeing it with my eyes closed!" Apparently, that was their normal, but it really freaked me out at the time, especially since I could not turn it off. The sensation faded over the course of a few hours. I didn't find out about aphantasia until a few years ago. I think this is why I've always had trouble recognizing people and remembering names. I'd say I'm partially "face blind" and, to me, it feels like that might be due to my aphantasia.

I've always had trouble with left and right too. My coping skill is to imagine I'm beginning to read a book, so my eyes automatically glance to the left.

I have aphantasia, and just discovered SDAM. I might have that too, depending how you define "vividly recall". As for maps and directions, I don't have an issue. In fact, if I draw a map to get to a place, I can usually get to the destination without actually referring to the map. That's a skill I've had to use occasionally when I've forgotten to bring the map. On the other hand, my best friend also has aphantasia and he's the most directionally-challenged person I know.

I prefer dark mode, yet I have aphantasia and astigmatism. It may have more to do with the room/environment. Most of the people I know who prefer dark mode tend to keep the room lights low.

My wife would see an apple like she could reach out and touch it. She's on the other side of the spectrum: she has hyperphantasia. She would also see the table the apple is on, see the kitchen around it, smell the apple, and hear the sounds of a kitchen. Basically, she IS there. Personally, I don't even see a faint design of the apple. I would describe my experience as looking at a wall of black glass. I can detect the apple and I know it's there, but I can't actually see it. Oddly, when I'm half awake, I can have a lucid dream where I can "punch holes" in the wall and see the object. Normally, I don't see images in my dreams. Something else of note: I'm really good at discerning matching rotated 3D diagrams, like the ones on IQ tests. I just know which one(s) match, even though there's nothing but black "in my mind's eye".